Free Leaf

I'm done

2007-02-01T11:01:00.000-05:00

This space is no longer free as some people have claimed ownership of my thoughts and tried to make them about themselves. Because of that I no longer feel comfortable posting here. I will leave the site up as a record of this past year in case anyone would like to stop in and read some of the old posts. I will also continue to read other blogs and may start writing again myself but not as Leaf and not here as the principles of this site no longer exist. This was supposed to be a place where I could free my thoughts from my head and let people see them. Unfortunately, people can not handle the true thoughts of others and because who I am negatively impacts the lives of others I will give up on something I have enjoyed.

Social consequences of a cutting diet

2007-01-28T17:40:00.000-05:00

This is a short follow up to my last post about my new restrictive eating habits. While, this is a thing if followed properly should be expected it is harder at sometimes over others. I made it through my friends BBQ and a Basketball game with some ease. A Friday night out in Adams Morgan was a bit harder. Even though I am allowing myself cheat days which could include drinking after nearly three weeks of eating well my desire to do so has seriously waned. So, on Friday night after picking up one of my best friends at the airport and heading straight out I spent the entire night not having a single drink. I did drive which is reason enough not to drink, but I drove only because I did not intend on drinking. I could have just as easily taken the metro or cabs but knowing I did not want to drink driving made more sense. However, as someone who can barely stand Adams Morgan when absolutely hammered it was near impossible to have a good time there sober. Being the only sober one I thought I would be the only one to notice what a bad night it was out in DC, but my friends from Florida noticed despite lots of shot. It was really cold out, which might explain a little bit of it, but the ratios were horrible, seemingly 10 guys to every girl that came out. And of the girls that were out they seemed to be the dregs of DC nightlife. Most places were crowded still and I do not like crowds when drunk, especially when it is almost all guys, which usually just lead to fights. All in all, my friends and I had a decent time even though a night out sober is way different than a night out drunk. I somehow managed to not get home until 5 am after driving my drunken friends back home and stopping at least half a dozen times for one of them to throw up. He thankfully, did none of this in my car.

My friends I am sure appreciated that I was driving and I bet they were happy that I was not drinking while driving them. However, I wonder if I had told them that I was not drinking because I was trying to be healthier how they would react. And I think it will come up eventually because after a few weeks of eating better I can already feel an emotional and physical change to how I eat and in this case drink. For 3-5 days a week I restrict myself while allowing for about 1-2 days of cheating and increased calories/carb intake. On those cheat days I find myself oddly not craving bad food or drinks, just the normal good foods that I am not eating. Yesterday was my cheat day and I ate brown rice and other whole wheat foods, nothing you would consider bad for you but it felt like I was cheating. Today I am back on the restricted cycle and it really isn’t all that hard, plus the results are pretty intoxicating on their own. I just hope my friends will be able to understand, most people don’t like when their friends change.

I have language envy

2007-01-26T21:18:00.000-05:00

There I said it. I am not one of those people who can easily pick up a second language. I have certainly tried, but they just do not seem to stick. My mom speaks Yiddish, my Grandma spoke at least 4 languages, but I am not even so sure I am good at one. When I was a kid I tried learning Yiddish from them but quickly got bored with it and didn’t have anyone to speak it to. So, then I started taking Spanish classes in elementary school and did that all the way through 10^th grade. And I can not use much of that either, although I do understand a little. When I lived in Israel I picked up some Hebrew but certainly not enough, when I would try asking questions in Hebrew most people would just ask if I spoke English, I am that obvious. But I didn’t give up; in college I tried my hand at Italian, did pretty well in the class and still remember a little bit. But, I really want to be fluent in a second language and I am jealous of all the people around me that are.

My team at work is the one of the most diverse groups of people I have ever encountered. There are three Indians, an Iranian, a Bolivian, a Nigerian, a Korean, and I. So, all day I hear these people having conversations in their native languages and I kind of wish I could do the same. Most of them grew up in English speaking countries but there are a few who have not been in the US very long and when they stumble over the English language or not understand some of the terms we use I do not get annoyed by it. I am impressed at how much they have mastered and wondered if I would be able to do as well in another country as they are doing here. I think if I were to live in a foreign country for an extended period of time I would be most frustrated with myself and my own lack of ability, perhaps more than the person on the other end of the conversation. Still, I would really like to try someday.

If it tastes good, spit it out

2007-01-25T09:45:00.000-05:00

This is a follow up to yesterday’s post about my gym rat status. I am pretty intense about working out, but I have rarely let that creep over to my social activities. My thinking has been that there is no point to working out and trying to look good if you can not go out and enjoy yourself. And while I still sort of believe that I have recently entered into a 12 week cutting contest, my thinking has changed. I am two weeks into this contest and already my new eating patterns have crept into my social activities. In the past no matter how serious I was about eating at home I would always make exceptions when going out with friends but not this time. Since I weighed in two weeks ago my eating habits have been very strict. In those two weeks I have attended two events that would have easily been exceptions for me in the past, a BBQ and a basketball game. I am one of those people who think the food is an integral part of viewing sports; BBQing is a must when watching a game on TV and when in person you have to have hot dogs and beers (and sometimes cracker jacks or cotton candy). So you can imagine how hard it was for me to bring food to a BBQ and have a protein bar and water at the Wizards game. Thankfully, those situations only come up once a week or so unlike the food that is constantly available and staring at me at home. My roommates, who are constantly cooking or baking, are my biggest challenge in all of this and I am not sure they understand the position they put me in. I don’t want to disappoint them but I just can not eat everything they are making right now, especially the damn cookies that are always in the kitchen.

I’m a gym rat

2007-01-24T17:29:00.000-05:00

Not sure why I feel like writing about this today after all these years of doing it. Maybe someone will take something from it. Anyway, I am a major gym rat, I have an addiction to working out and while most people view it as a chore or something they must do I prefer to think of it as something I want to do forever. When I am in the gym and I see the senior citizens walking around with their trainers I think that someday that will be me. Well, minus the trainer. I wasn’t always this way of course but once I got a taste I was hooked. I grew up just like any other kid playing sports, baseball, basketball and football. But it wasn’t until I tried playing football in high school that I had to lift weights. I still remember when I got the football team workout plan and how I could barely lift any weight at all. My bench press max was like 100 pounds, maybe 110, so for the workout plan I started out doing sets of 55, 12 times. Luckily, my legs were real strong, so I could squat away the embarrassment of my weak upper body. Back then it didn’t take too long at all to get stronger, but the first time I got sore I couldn’t lift my arms to wash my hair for at least three days and a tiny poke in the chest felt like being stabbed with a hot knife. I loved every second of it.

It was that love that led me to lie about my age for the first time. While other kids my age were lying for much better reasons, like buying cigarettes or alcohol, I was lying to get a gym membership. Granted, I did later lie about my age to get alcohol too, someone had to. Now here it is a dozen years later and I have consistently had either a gym membership or free access to a gym. My workouts have changed, my diet has changed, I do more cardio now, and I even do yoga once or twice a week, but fitness in some form is here to stay for sure. Currently, I am in a weight loss contest at work, not because I need to lose weight, but simply because I know what I am doing and feel like I can win.

Here are some resources I really recommend:

Bodybuilding.com

The Abs Diet from Men’s Health

Real Men Do Yoga

The Upper Hand

2007-01-19T13:30:00.000-05:00

It has certainly been a while since I wrote something significant. Sure, I have put up some quick things and pictures but I have not actually sat down and thought out a post in maybe a month. But I feel ready to do that today, for some reason I doubt the posts will return in abundance but every once in a while I feel capable of putting out something good. Hopefully, people will continue to stop in from time to time and let me know how crazy I am. Here goes.

I guess I should try to cover just what the heck I have been up to that has kept me from writing and the truth is it isn’t all that exciting. Since coming home from the National Championship game two weeks ago I have barely done anything. I worked a lot, I watched TV, played video games, I basically have been a worthless loser. But with the euphoria of my vacation still lingering I have felt no need to do anything exciting. On MLK day I joined my roommates for an early dinner at Sakura, the day before that I went to a BBQ at Scott’s to watch the game again (would you believe some of us were actually cheering for plays that we knew the outcome to?). Scott, his girlfriend and their roommate put out an awesome spread that included football and football helmet shaped cookies with orange and blue icing. Also, Go Gator cupcakes, I am telling you, I am surrounded by perhaps the best young baking ladies in the country, if not the world. Do not tell my mom but they kick ass and she would be impressed. But, I digress; this is not what got me back in front of the lap top, although, I think the year of the Gators will keep me happy until the summer. No, the reason I have decided to sit down and write something again has been some deep reflection. In my complete laziness and seclusion over the past few weeks I have really looked back on my past relationships and why they have failed and have come to one conclusion.

I only enter into situations where I perceive myself to have the upper hand.

And that my friends can be a huge problem. I don’t take risks and therefore never reap the rewards of taking risks. Sure, this is something that can be said in other aspects of my life. But in this one particular area it is something that I feel is needed for success. With careers or many other ventures you can get by being conservative and playing it safe. I don’t think that is true when it comes to relationships, you can’t play it safe and expect something truly great to happen. You have to take risks, sometimes stupid ones, you have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable (OK, I totally sound like a chick now, shoot me). But, I really believe that the reason I am indefinitely single with no prospect of that changing is because I just don’t put myself in situations that would be hard to walk away from.

I do just the opposite; it limits my options greatly, but also allows me to not invest much emotionally. Why I do this could stem from many reasons: child of divorce, abandonment issues, trying it once and not liking the outcome. But those are really just excuses for something that I need to get over. You see, every relationship I have had except one, and this goes back to, maybe all the way back to middle school, have been ones where I have been pursued more than the pursuer. Some of these situations were more extreme than others and in most there was mutual attraction. But, in most cases the other person could come or go and it would not greatly affect my life. That seems to be the one unifying characteristic of 95% of the girls I have had anything more than a friendship with. And on top of it, I have realized that I have the ability to totally fake all of it. What I mean by that is that I can fake all the little parts of relationships without ever having strong feelings. It makes me one confusing person; I can send a heartfelt letter that can make you cry but a month later not care a lick when you sleep with your ex-bf (this actually happened). And that little scenario pretty much sums it all up, I can throw emotion around and enjoy being in a relationship while never being fully invested or convinced it is going anywhere. So, when it ends or something bad happens I hardly miss a beat, I just roll along because whether it appeared I cared or not, I probably didn’t care all that much. Pretty messed up, isn’t it?

And now everyone knows why I am indefinitely single and even when I do meet someone it won’t last more than a few months. It also probably explains why people don’t believe me when I tell them that I am an asshole or not to set me up with their friends. The question then is how I fix it and stop making excuses for myself.

Championship Hangover

2007-01-11T19:26:00.000-05:00

I've got one bad. Still haven't recovered from the flight home that landed early yesterday morning either. Basically, I am out of it. Slow and tired all day, and all I want to do is read articles about the Gators or come home and watch the game that I had to record. Instead, I think we will be having a game day BBQ on Saturday to watch the game again. Right now, it feels really good to be a Gator and I think we can ride it out pretty much until March or April unless we win the NCAA tournament again. And that is totally possible. OK, none of this makes sense, imagine how bad I am at work during the day. Just wanted to say I am still here, going through the motions, walking around with an endless smile and amazing memories from a near perfect 5 days in the desert.

Disappearing Acts

2007-01-04T22:49:00.000-05:00

No, I am not gone just yet. Although, I have had plenty of things going on lately, none of which I have found time to write about. It’s a shame but I go on these cold streaks where I just can not put down coherent thoughts. Even now my mind is scrambled. Actually, I have not been thinking about the present moment very much this week. Leaving for Vegas in less than 24 hours can do that to you I guess. The past couple of weeks, starting right around Christmas are probably the most worthless I have ever been, it is certainly the least time I have spent in the moment. My head has been elsewhere almost the entire time. I was trying to train someone at work today and I just kept giving them things to do so I could read practice reports. I am obsessed and I still need tickets to the game. So much to do the day or so before a trip it is always stressful for me. Anyway, here are some random thoughts I have been having lately.

- I wonder what silence sounds like? I guess it would sound like nothing at all, but I am always thinking so much my head even starts to hurt. One time as a matter of fact I had to drop a class in college because we started out every session by meditating. The silence of it all disturbed me so much that instead of feeling light and clear afterward I felt heavy and sluggish. I guess you could say my mind is like a dog chasing its tale, always running around in circles no matter how much I try to make it stop.
- At my Passover Seder that I cooked all by myself, I forgot to mention that some lovely ladies provided some great desserts and the dinner would not have been the same without them.
- My New Years plans got totally thrown out the window. I was supposed to be at a party, but when push came to shove I just couldn’t get up off the floor. Literally, instead of getting up and getting ready I just sat on the floor watching TV. Eventually, I got up and celebrated with a few friends but never made it to the big party.
- The OC has been cancelled, which sucks, as this has been the best season yet. Still, we have 8 more episodes to enjoy and then find something else to take its place. Not that I need anymore shows.

And I am done packing, so its time to sleep. Next step Vegas, then Glendale.

Happy New Year

2006-12-31T21:32:00.000-05:00

Enjoy some new U2.

This is just a dream we dreamed

2006-12-28T22:37:00.000-05:00

This is most likely going to be my last post of 06 so I guess it is as good a time as any to do the New Year post. 2006 has been quite a year, so many things have changed, a lot have stayed the same. I accomplished some things I wanted to and others I let slip but looking back on it all I can say I am better for the experience. With my birthday so close to the end of the year I have already given a list of some of things I did this year but the experience was more than just a list of things. I know that it gets harder to judge what we have accomplished each year as we get older, there are less milestone moments and not as many good times to look back and judge ourselves. On the other hand though, maybe it is good for us to stop judging and constantly looking back. Don’t go forgetting your past or anything but look forward a little more. You never know what you will find around the next corner of life. So, cherish the good moments, leave the bad and look forward to another year. Other than that, I leave this year with a song and a link to what I wrote before last New Year’s Eve. Happy New Year.

Look out of any window, any morning, any evening, any day.
Maybe the sun is shining, birds are singing,
No rain is falling from a heavy sky.
What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
For this is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago.

Walk out of any doorway, feel your way, feel your way like the day before.
Maybe youll find direction,
Around some corner where its been waiting to meet you.
What do you want me to do, to watch for you while you are sleeping?
The please dont be surprised when you find me dreaming too.

Look into any eyes you find by you, you can see clear to another day,
Maybe been seen before, through other eyes on other days while going home.
What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
Its all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago.

Walk into splintered sunlight,
Inch your way through dead dreams to another land.
Maybe youre tired and broken,
Your tongue is twisted with words half spoken and thoughts unclear

What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
A box of rain will ease the pain, and love will see you through.

Just a box of rain, wind and water,
Sun and shower, wind and rain,
In and out the window like a moth before a flame.

And its just a box of rain, I dont know who put it there,
Believe it if you need it, or leave it if you dare.

And its just a box of rain, or a ribbon for your hair;
Such a long long time to be gone, and a short time to be there.

Grateful Dead - Box of Rain. I would have put up the actual audio if I could have figured it out, sorry. Great song, I am sure you can find a live version to download.

Pictures

2006-12-27T16:27:00.000-05:00

I have been meaning to upload the pictures from my camera for a while now. Since, I am working from home this week I finally remembered to do it when I actually had my computer and camera near me.

This is our campsite from the first weekend of November.

The campfire. Seriously, the best part of the camping experience is burning things. That and the food.

Final scoreboard from the UF - FSU game. It was an amazing day for a game.

And this is the best Turkey Sub in America. La Spada's Hoagies in Davie, FL. I would recommend it to anyone who is asking. As a matter of fact this sandwich itself is worth the trip to Florida.

The 7th night of Hanukkah in my kitchen with the Menorah right next to a Ginger bread house.

I have more pictures floating around but I think this is all I will upload for now. Maybe later I will put up the latke pictures or some others. And I should definitely have more after my trip to Vegas and Glendale in early January.

Who said it?

2006-12-26T17:41:00.000-05:00

I'm narcissistic, I'm pessimistic, I'm obsessive, I'm insecure, and I am so afraid of intimacy that everyone of my relationships is a journey of self sabotage that inevitably ends in a black vacuum of shattered expectations and despair.

It wasn't me but it certainly describes me well.

I confuse people

2006-12-22T18:07:00.000-05:00

People constantly say Merry Christmas to me, or ask me what I am doing for Christmas, because they look at me and automatically think I am one of them. And while in my head I scream, I usually answer rather politely by saying Happy Holidays to them and simply stating that I do not observe Christmas. Now, I grew up knowing I did not have what most consider Jewish features, my sisters do not either, but I never found it annoying until recently. Ever since I left South Florida it seems I encounter more and more people who are just totally ignorant of Jewish people. In an area like the one I currently live in that is very diverse it baffles me to think that people would assume everyone else is just like them. I always say Happy Holidays unless I know without a doubt someone is Christian, and even then I sometimes still say Happy Holidays because I prefer the way it sounds compared to Merry Christmas. Not that any of this is to take away from Christmas I would just like people to be more open to the possibility that not everyone is like them.

Unfortunately, I do not have the faith in other people to make the changes in themselves. That leaves me with few options; 1. Continue being annoyed and explaining that I do not celebrate their holiday, 2. Start wearing a Kippa, or 3. Wear a very obvious Jewish Star. So, here I am trying to proclaim my Judaism, sort of similar to how we are supposed to make Menorah visible for all to see on Chanukah, which ends tonight actually. And then I realize an amazing difference between this generation and the ones before it. I am trying to overcome my non Jewish features so more people would know I am Jewish while in the past people would look at my features as blessing to hide their Jewish ancestry.

We still have so far to go but we have come very far. Sixty years ago my Grandma was using the very same features that I have to escape the ghetto and get food for her family. The light eyes, hair and skin, plus knowledge of more than just Yiddish made her the perfect candidate to go unnoticed. And so she used her features to hide her true nature, just as they hide mine, but I am not in a ghetto and although the world is not yet totally accepting, I have no reason to hide who I am. Even my mother has dealt with those thoughts, probably by extension of how she grew up and yet, my generation has been able to overcome those thoughts. Which, makes my complaints over the ignorance of the people I know sound a little trite I know, but is it so wrong to want more from people? I don’t think it is, I think the day we become content with the way things are is the day it all starts to go bad. That just means I have to keep explaining, keep sharing and continue to be accepting of others as hopefully I can get them to be accepting of me.

More foolish and wiser at the same time

2006-12-19T22:08:00.000-05:00

I recently turned 26, about two weeks ago now, and I have not felt the need to really talk about it until now. You see, I don’t really put much thought into birthdays. I am not big on celebrating them and for the most part they do not feel any different than the day before or after. I usually only notice when I put a new age into the treadmill at the gym or when someone asks me. Sometimes, I even question whether or not we should be celebrating our own birthdays; I mean we didn’t do any of the work that day. Still, I do think they provide a nice milestone and good period of reflection for all of us.

I look back on the last year and two weeks of my life and see a lot to be proud of and some things that maybe I should not even admit to. Apparently, as we grow older we grow both more foolish and wiser at the same time. I am not sure who originally said that but they make a great point. In some aspects of my life I feel like I have gotten better, my insight into certain situations is improving and then in others I may be even dumber than I was years ago. And so here is a list of things I have been up to since December 6, 2005.

- I started a blog. That was pretty big; I am now somewhere over 200 posts in and actually have people who read here regularly.

- I have visited friends in NY on three separate occasions and on each I return to DC and immediately begin looking for jobs there, but that shortly fades and I settle back into my life here.

- My roommates built there first snowman and I got to take pictures with it.

- I have read a bunch of books and some comics too.

- One of my best friends and his lovely wife moved to DC. And since they got here they have dealt with my extreme wanderlust but by now must just shrug off my suggestions at leaving. I think they might be wanderers themselves, but that is another story.

- I have dealt with the passing of my favorite childhood baseball player, Kirby Puckett.

- But, I also got to cheer on the Gator bball team to a Championship and watch the Twins make a great run in the playoffs before watching the Gator football team win the conference and get a shot at the MNC.

- I left my first engagement at work, found a new one, then landed right back on my old one 6 months later.

- I cooked my first Passover Seder all by myself and it was pretty good.

- I have driven to Florida, New York and Tennessee. In three different cars, my old Blazer before it dropped the transmission, my new Accord that replaced the Blazer and my buddies TL just last weekend.

- My sister graduated from Florida State University and just 7 months later we finally convinced her to move away from there.

- I have been to baseball games at Camden Yards, RFK and the Metro Dome. Football games at FedEx Field, Neyland Stadium and Doak Campbell stadium.

- My buddy Scott graduated from law school and he now has a real job in a corporate law firm, while my friend John continues to come up with crazy schemes instead of trying to enter the real world. I wonder who has it right; him or us?

- I moved from a townhouse in Vienna to a house in Falls Church and in the process met some great roommates. Who says everyone you meet on Craigslist is a little weird?

- I was consumed by the war in Israel for weeks in the middle of the summer. Actually, I am still very consumed by Israel but I have been for a long time.

- I joined a great list serve for Music Lovers and have been to a bunch of shows: OAR, Virgin Fest, Lionize, EBP and Shane Hines

- I went to a haunted forest and was slightly haunted by an ex-girlfriend

- I hit a tree leaving a campsite.

- I spent Thanksgiving in Florida with my mom and a close friend.

- I have also played tons of video games and watched more television than I care to count

But, the most significant event that happened in my life was the loss of my Grandma. The loss of a loved one can really put things in perspective sometimes. I am ok with her death but at the same time I feel like it has motivated me a little and changed me also. I can not explain it because I find it hard to pinpoint exactly what it is that is different now, but something certainly is. Ever since August it has been there, I went through a period of sadness, but I think I have come to place of peace. I look back on both my grandparents lives with great pride and realize how easy my life is in comparison. Maybe someday I will feel worthy enough to tell their story and write the story of my life right next to it. But until then, I am gonna try being 26 and not acting like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

It’s Dangerous

2006-12-19T12:56:00.000-05:00

Giving me good news in the morning can be very problematic for my superiors. Sure, it puts me in a great mood and you would think that leads to more production. But, all it has done today is lead to a lack of focus and a goofy grin. Oh, I am working and things are getting done, but I am definitely distracted and finding it hard to contain the news I received earlier this morning. And for some reason there is no one online to talk to. I guess I am just going to be making lots of phone calls on my way home.

Greavarty 2006

2006-12-15T17:36:00.000-05:00

In about 4 or 5 hours I will be back in New York. Last time I went just to get out of town but this time we are going to party. Greavarty actually, a car full of DC fools are going to crash our good friends Housewarming party. Our evite acceptance pretty much turned this from a calm evening to an all out bash and some of us haven't even left our offices yet. I could really use the time away right now.

Between being really busy at work and not being able to sleep I have been a mess and having a hard time writing. Sure, I want to write and I actually have written things but they suck, so I don't post them. For instance after we met our deadline at work, my team went out for happy hour and an interesting revelation was made. I am the only white member of my team, and even I am Jewish. I didn't even notice until they told me, which probably says a little about my upbringing, a lot about where I work and I think it's a great thing to have such diversity in small pockets. No two people on our team have the same background and I find myself learning a lot from these people because of it.

I wish I could spend more time thinking about things like that but my days get thrown into a loop by odd dreams and poor nights of sleep. When I remember my dreams they have the ability to take over my attitude for the entire day after I wake up. It is similar to the way my Ipod can change my entire workout. If all my dreams are like the one I had last night I should either be sleeping more or not sleeping at all, but I can guarantee this there are no Greavarties in dream land and that in itself is enough to keep me awake.

Go Cure Cancer

2006-12-14T14:20:00.000-05:00

This is spectacular. Sometimes even I forget just how good UF really is.

No Yelling

2006-12-11T22:03:00.000-05:00

Recently, we have had a new roommate move in to what the two teachers I live with like to call the “Safe House”. They handled the recruitment process and decided on a guy to move in to keep the house balanced. Since, I don’t care either way I went along with it and we interviewed a bunch of people before deciding on one. However, there was about a month that I was living alone in the basement and I really began to like it. Now, I have this roommate sharing the bathroom with me and constantly trying to kill me by using a ton of bleach on the shower. And my whole morning routine is shot, some mornings I wake up to my alarm raring to go and then hear the shower start, which totally messes me up. But, besides all that he really is a nice guy, his parents took us out to dinner when he moved in and outside of the bathroom he is clean and friendly and does not get in the way. So why do I find myself constantly yelling at him? Well, he is deaf and I am a moron. I just can’t help it, I know it doesn’t help and my other roommates think its funny but I can’t stop. And to top it off I also happen to use confusing body language when I talk to him. For instance I will nod yes but say maybe, and to a person who reads lips and notices these things that is really annoying. I also sometimes forget and don’t look at him when I talk but that is not nearly as bad as the other things. So, if you happen to be in Falls Church and hear someone yelling, it isn’t a domestic dispute, I’m just having a friendly conversation with my new roommate.

The woman at the deli counter knows me better than you do

2006-12-09T17:22:00.000-05:00

True story, she might know me too well and she thinks it’s a bloody shame that I am single. Which is 100% completely true, it is a shame. The thing I am not sure of in all of this is whether or not it is sad that she knows me so well. And if it is sad, is it sad for me or for her? All I know about her is that she works at Giant and knows a lot about me, and gives me non-denominational holiday cards. This woman knows exactly what I order, I don’t even have to ask anymore and if that was all she knew I would just say she is really good at her job. But, she also knows my birthday, what I do, what city I live in and my dating status. While this is not entirely normal I don’t really have a problem with it, I can use an ego boost as much as the next guy. So, if it comes from the deli lady who happens to slice my Boar’s Head Turkey just the way I like, well I will take that every time. After all, she is right, it is a shame that I am single.

Trapped?

2006-12-09T13:36:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have encountered a lot of my peers who seem to feel trapped. These peers are all young (between 22 and 30), healthy (no serious illnesses), single (not married, no kids) and educated people (all have college degrees). Yet, so many of them feel trapped in their spot in life right now, whether it is by the job prospects that their degree offers or a wrong post graduate course of study, a wrong town or a wrong career they all have these feelings that they are stuck in a bad situation and can not get out of it. But, that is not the truth of the situation, no the truth is that none of us at this stage in our lives are trapped unless we allow ourselves to be. I bring this up because I have at times felt this way before realizing that what I thought was a trap was really just taking the easy way out, staying the course is safer than taking a bold step toward an uncertain future.

Whenever one of these peers contacts me and says these things to me I tell them all the same things. You are not trapped, you are young, virtually responsibility free and if there was ever a time to take a chance its now before your life gets filled up with mortgages and marriages and kids and divorce and promotions and country club memberships. So, to all my friends who are trapped by their own complacency, move on. Seriously, you may not like what you are doing now but you are scared to death of the unknown, everyone is. And that is fine because there are no guarantees in life. But, one thing I have realized is that at some point you either need to stop complaining or make the changes you are talking about.

Oh yeah, what you are doing now might feel like it’s the only option but the truth is that it is just the safest option. It’s funny; some of us stay the course while dreaming up these unimaginable realities instead of just looking for a practical way to move towards what we really want. So people take a leap, even if it’s a safe one, but if you are unhappy it’s better to do something over nothing. That or come to terms with what you are doing and realize you chose to be there.

Mid-Season Review

2006-12-07T10:30:00.000-05:00

With most TV shows going on hiatus I figured it was time to take a look back at the season so far. It really has been a good one.

Shows I really tried to like

Jericho – Great concept, but when Skeet Ulrich is the star its really hard to take a show seriously so I gave up on it. It did remind me of the Stand in the way it looked and felt but I just couldn’t get into it.

Lost – I tried, but only made it through 2 episodes before my interest once again waned. This one actually hurt because I loved season 1. Then about halfway through season 2 the show seemed to lose focus and my interest level dropped. Going into this season it looked really exciting and after one episode I thought I was hooked but after 2 episodes it was over and I was watching One Tree Hill instead.

Shows I am still giving a shot but might be on the way out

Studio 60 – I keep watching every week but I think its just habit because I am already watching NBC at the time. And every week I watch the show and at the end get the same feeling, “eh, that was ok”.

Bones – Another habit show. I started watching because it was after House and now that it isn’t I just record it and throw it on in the background when I do other things. Sure I keep recording and occasionally I even pay attention but it hasn’t been as good as it was in the past and I don’t like the new casting.

Numbers – It’s on Friday nights so I never watch it when it’s on and since it’s on the DVR I keep watching but it really isn’t anything special. Still I will keep recording and keep watching hoping they put out some good episodes the rest of the way.

Shows that are new favorites

Heroes – So far this has been right up there with my old favorites. The storylines are great, the characters are intriguing and it is finally coming together. I can’t wait for this one to come back in six weeks.

Friday Night Lights – For a show based on a movie I hated I could not be more surprised at how good this show is. I love it, I think they do a great job of combining all the elements of small town life, big time football and being a high school kid. It all just keeps getting better.

Shows that are going strong

House – I hate the new cop angle but the rest of the show is as good as ever. The drama between House and his coworkers is tense and the cases are always interesting.

Veronica Mars – The rapist storyline was a little odd but Kristen Bell is fantastic and the show has been very tight and running strong for the new CW.

One Tree Hill – The most ridiculous show on TV, last week it featured an 18 year old having a heart attack and his half brother’s pregnant wife getting hit by a car. All of this takes place in the high school of the town where the mayor killed his brother and the high school basketball star shaved points. And I didn’t even mention the stalker or the teacher-student sex scandal or the school shooting or the druggy mom. Simply great television

Las Vegas – Another extremely ridiculous show based on a casino in an over the top town. The show doesn’t do a lot but what it does it does well.

Grey’s Anatomy – I hate Burke and Cristina and even dislike Meredith and Sheppard sometimes but over all the show, and its cast, is still one of the best on TV. Plus Alex and Izzie make a great pair, but I am really looking forward to the Alex and Addison story arc.

Shows that are better than ever

Smallville – Admittedly this is my favorite show on television and it has been for some time. When I first saw the show I was visiting one of my best friends at NYU and stayed up all night watching one episode after another. This season we are so close to Clark being Superman that you can almost taste it. Plus the show has given more air time to Chloe, a great character and actress, and they are bringing in great guest characters from the DC universe. If you are comic fan or just a lover of super heroes this show is at its best right now and you should not be missing it.

OC – For two years I refused to watch this show, claiming it was a second rate 90210, but a lot of my friends were hooked and so one winter I watched the first 2 seasons in maybe a total of 5 days. Since then I have been hooked even though last season sucked I kept watching. Well it paid off with this season so far. Just about every move they have made so far has been great; Taylor and Ryan, Caitlin and Julie, Summer the hippie and even the addition of that Che character. All amazing moves and a show that is completely revitalized and no longer bogged down by dumb Mischa Barton.

Clearly, I watch too much TV but with DVR making it so easy to record and watch all the great shows that are on television I don’t know what I would do without it. So, that is how I feel about the TV season so far. During hiatus I will have to find something to do so if someone could recommend a good show to give a shot on DVD I would appreciate it, after all that is how I first got into this mess.

Overwhelming joy leads to mass Insanity

2006-12-04T21:43:00.000-05:00

It has been a crazy roller coaster these past few days. All day Saturday I did everything I could to keep my mind off the SEC Championship game that was going to be on later that night. I watched all the other games I could and eventually I gave in and set out for the bar. USC-UCLA had already started and we were just waiting for them to take over the game, but as the Gators came out to start their game USC was still struggling. But our game went on the big screen and the sound went off the USC game. So, the Gators became the focus and Percy Harvin, Reggie Nelson and the rest of the crew did their part to make the USC game not matter. That was until they actually lost. At the time it looked like the Gators would run away with the game, prompting Mitch to tell our waitress that he didn’t need anymore drinks because he was going to Glendale. Of course, following that bold statement the Gators gave up 21 points and it looked like we were going to be the second big team to fall and give way to the Michigan – OSU rematch. But, never underestimate Urban Meyer and his gutsy call, a fake punt from your own 14, saved the game. The Gators got it back together and went on to win their first SEC Championship without Steve Spurrier. The joy lasted the rest of the night and into the next day when the reality of another championship game set in.

Just like that, all day Sunday was a repeat of Saturday. When it was over it would be a perfect day, but it was a long one. I played video games, I ran errands, I caught up on a show or two from the week before and at 7:50 pm I began watching the Bowl Show. It only took 20 minutes to confirm the news that had been pouring in all day. It as UF – OSU in the BCS Championship game, thus the madness had begun. Since then arrangements to get to Glendale have been in high gear. Flights have already been purchased, hotels are being booked and every angle to get tickets are being exhausted and then the threshold for what one was willing to pay for tickets to a football game was raised. After all this will only be our third appearance in 100 years, the first in exactly ten years and who knows if the next time it happens we will be able to say we were there. So, when the Gators play the Buckeyes on January 8^th I will be there someway, somehow and just for good measure I am gonna make a stop over in Vegas to cap off a great trip.

The beauty pageant that is college football is still the wrong way to decide a champion but it doesn’t make it any less special to win the pageant. The voting is over, now its time to prove we belong on the field. And the fans are all losing their minds, booking flights, hotel rooms and preparing their credit cards for exceptionally expensive football tickets.

It’s Great to be a Florida Gator

Long overdue but well deserved

2006-12-03T09:40:00.000-05:00

Catching up

2006-12-02T10:28:00.000-05:00

I feel like that’s all I have been doing lately. It is amazing what being out of town for 9 days can do to you. When I got home this week my DVR was at 93% and now it’s at about 45% but its mostly just Scrubs reruns. Although I am still behind on this week’s TV and have not even had a chance to watch the movies I just bought. But it isn’t just TV that I have had to catch up, there was laundry and shopping and reading and tasks at work. It felt like I was gone forever. I still haven’t uploaded my pics but today is game day and I am already in my mental preparation phase. Drinking out of my Gator home game coffee mug (I have a blue mug for home games and an orange game for away). Watching game day on ESPN and reading up on Gator Country while I wash my Grey Gator Shirt and later I will get dressed and head out to the same bar we have watched all the games at. I’m sure this whole routine sounds nuts but then again fan is short for fanatic and most of the SEC football fans I know are crazy.

GO GATORS!!!!!!!!

Work gets in the way of blogging

2006-11-30T16:29:00.000-05:00

Since I got home from Florida I have had things bouncing around through my head that I wanted to write about. But my new project has been keeping me busy and getting back into a flow where I can find time to sit down and write has been hard. There are things I haven’t done that I keep meaning to but I really hope that maybe over the weekend or soon I will get to them.

I need to upload my pictures from camping and from Florida.
I would also like to post some of them and actually talk a little more about the rest of my trip down there. Although you got the highlight in the trip to the Greenbrier I did more than just go to titty bars.
With the holidays coming up I am sure there is something I will want to write about that, someone recently said something to be about Christmas morning and I have been meaning to write out the thought process that ensued but I haven’t done it yet.
Anyway, I just wanted to put up something today and sort of leave it there as a reminder of the things I have been meaning to get to but keep forgetting.
But, I think for now I am just gonna go enjoy having my car back and try to get out of the office a little early today.

Scrubs is back tonight by the way, so watch it.

I’m the target

2006-11-29T21:32:00.000-05:00

But I’m not the only one. I can’t walk into stores or watch TV anymore because I fall for all of it. The marketers and the ad people have me pegged. For instance yesterday I went to Wal-Mart for soap, walked right by a DVD display and bought two. But not only did I buy two DVD’s I got the two disc special editions. Total cost for a trip to buy soap $48. But I didn’t stop there, at the grocery store I bought Fiji water because I like the square water bottles, I also like the big Smart water bottles even though I really don’t think they are much different than any other kind of water. Someday I will have to get this under control but for now I am gonna just enjoy my new movies and the good news that I got today when I realized the cable company added ESPN2 to the HD package.

Something's in life are guaranteed

2006-11-28T21:49:00.000-05:00

And I guarantee this guy still feels this hit.

I feel so honored

2006-11-28T21:32:00.000-05:00

Today has been a nice, long day. It was my first day back in the office, first day back in VA and instead of writing about that I am writing about an anonymous jackass who liked to leave stupid comments on my last post. Well, I don't do this to be bothered by people too cowardly to even sign there name so no more anon comments. It really is a shame, not that my blog got that many comments anyway, so I guess I do kind of feel honored to have my own little troll stopping in.

9 Days Later

2006-11-27T14:57:00.000-05:00

I am getting ready to head to the airport so I can return to NoVa and get back to normalcy. And it has been one busy vacation for me. Over the last 9 days I have done just about everything I set out to when I decided to come down here. I went to ale house, la spades, char-hut, and publix. I saw Christine, Nicole, Jenn, Jess, and my Mom a few times. I saw the Gators play and I spent time with my sister. And after all that I still managed to catch some stomach bug in Tallahassee and throw up after the game, I am fairly certain it was not the Jim Beam this time. So, after 9 days, lots of food, a Gator football game, some beautiful weather, a strip club, a horror movie and more bad nights sleep than I can count I am finally ready to go back home and actually step foot in my office tomorrow. Just two flights left to go.

On My Way to see the Gators Play

2006-11-23T22:51:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was interesting and delicious, I am still full now. But I am leaving early in the morning for Tallahassee so to everyone, enjoy the holiday weekend and get in your fill of football. It will all be over so soon. And it makes me sad that I wait all spring and summer for the football season to start and now we only have 3 more games. Some fans don't even have 3 more, so enjoy the ones you do have.

To everyone who stops in here occasionally Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy the weekend and try to avoid the mall.

Giving Thanks

2006-11-23T14:52:00.000-05:00

It is Thanksgiving and I think it is customary for people to say what they are giving thanks for. And while I am thankful for many things I just can’t think of one to write about or even a list to make. This happens to me every year, when families go around the table and say something they are thankful for I never know what to say and end up saying something totally trivial. Or worse I say something that I find funny but no one else gets, that happens to me a lot actually. But, right now I am sitting alone watching the Dolphins game as my Mom is at home getting ready and my friends are cooking dinner so I am thinking about what I am happy for. And today, despite the fact that my friends and family have created the perfect storm (they all have dogs and take me to strip clubs and smoking lounges) to induce an asthma attack I realized of all things I am most thankful for modern medicine. I know that seems like a cold answer when most people will say they are thankful for their families and friends and all that. So just hear me out, modern medicine has saved my life, made it possible. Who knows how long I would have lived if I was born 50 years ago, who knows what my life would have been like at all. Despite having asthma since I was about 2 years old I haven’t missed out on anything in my life because of it. There have been many scares including spending too many days in children’s ICU a dozen or so years ago, but none of that stopped me from being like any other kid. Sure I carried an inhaler and took allergy medicine, I always had to be careful when others were carefree but I still did it all. And without the medicines and the great doctors that I have seen throughout my life I don’t think I would have been able to be an average American kid.

An average American kid is all I could have ever hoped to be and for that the person I am most thankful for is my Mom. Without her pushing me to not let my illness hold me back maybe those medicines would not have mattered. Without her to make sure I always had an inhaler with me when I went to play football or baseball or ride bikes I might not have made it home one of those days. Without her taking the time and money to make sure I saw the right doctors and that I got my prescriptions filled my life would have been limited so much more. Without her paying for my Advair when I didn’t have insurance I would have had to stop taking the medicine that finally has controlled my asthma to the point where it is an afterthought. I still take medicine everyday but now it is just a small part of my life and thanks to my Mom I am here today and I never forget to take to my medicine. I guess that makes me just as cheesy as everyone else today.

Strip Clubs and Smoking Lounges

2006-11-22T19:33:00.000-05:00

Last night I was treated to some of South Florida’s finest establishments. To be more specific I was in Pompano last night at the Greenbrier. The brier describes itself as a smoking lounge and they aren’t lying. Honestly, it was probably a bad idea to go just because of all the smoke but with the retired strippers and the too ugly to be strippers behind the bar how could I not see this place for myself. When Christine and I walked in we were greeted by a collection of truckers and other blue collar workers who were probably regulars. The wall of smoke hits you immediately, it is the first thing you notice, but the second thing was one of the ugliest woman bartenders I have ever seen, and if that wasn’t enough she was not entirely dressed. Since she was running the front bar we had no choice but to purchase drinks from her, but we didn’t stay at that bar long. Once the other people who were meeting us arrived we took a nice spot at the back bar that was being handled by two possibly 40 year olds, one that might have been attractive ten years ago, but was still making decent money on her 5 year old boobs. The other 40+ bartender also had fake boobs but might not have always been a woman, I’d rather not think about that much more. Anyway, the drinks were cheap, really cheap and it was really chill. All the bartenders walking around picking up their tips with their tits, one even managing to pick up quarters off the bar, that was impressive. So, we drank, Christine smoked, and we drank some more. Jager bombs lead to bad decision making and as the night wore on the booby tricks at the brier got old and the other guys in our crew apparently were in the mood for more.

So, here is where the strip club comes into the story. After leaving the brier instead of going home as would have been smart we went to the Cheetah. What a great strip club name by the way. Now, I do not generally like strip clubs, they make me feel uncomfortable, there is something so false about the whole thing. It is not that I necessarily have a problem with strippers but I just don’t like the scene so much. And somehow I ended up touching every stripper and cocktail waitress there. It is amazing what I will do for a free beer. Here is what went down there, one of us got a shady massage, but at least he kept his shirt on, while the fat old dude at the table next to us did not. One of the girls bought a lap dance for another girl and for the guy she is dating, that was awkward, then someone bought me a lap dance as well. In the midst of all this excitement and continued beverage consumption I am propositioned by a man in a tuxedo. This mysterious man who served me a free beer asked me to simply stand on stage and help the girls walk down the stairs as they are introduced, it was like being an usher at a very trashy wedding. But, I think I did an awesome job at it, I smiled, made eye contact and made sure to handle each girl differently, some liked a firm hand as they walked down the steps, and others just wanted to keep moving. A few said thanks and a few smiled back, so I’d like to think if the Cheetah was hiring for this position I would get asked back for an interview.

Since we skipped dinner the night ended at Taco Bell. I could not think of a better way to spend my one real night out in South Florida. Tonight I will be relaxing and staying in, tomorrow I will celebrate Thanksgiving with family and friends and I will be dressed as a punk. I will probably drink too much wine and end up not doing much after the meal. Then it is off to Tallahassee to watch the Mighty Gators take on the Seminoles.

If anyone found this post by searching for tits, booby tricks or strip clubs I apologize that there are no pictures and that the story is probably not what you were looking for. Maybe next time.

The Place to be

2006-11-21T12:41:00.000-05:00

After graduating from high school and everyone had gone there way it was a given that every Thanksgiving you would see everyone again. For us in Florida there was always a place to go that you just knew would be packed with old friends that you had not seen in a while. When I was in college it was always Riverfront, now I think it is Hard Rock. But still, it is a given that the night after Thanksgiving you can find anyone that you want to bump into outside some club at one of these places. I have since learned my lesson that going is a bad idea and I have not been in years. The reason why is that in the 5 or 6 months from graduation to my first Thanksgiving in college I had literally forgotten peoples names. I had also apparently forgot what they looked like too as I introduced myself to a girl I had known since about 7^th grade. Over the years it has become more than just not remembering people, it is also that I just don’t want to see people as bad as I used to. I still keep in touch with all the people I care to see. But for a few years there going to Riverfront was a blast, even if I did not remember who people were.

I wonder if it is like this for young people everywhere. Do the kids from Long Island or Alexandria have a Thanksgiving hangout? Is there a spot that you just have to be if you want to be seen when you come home for a visit? I always think about that and it reminds me of another thing that happened in high school. I was dating a girl that I had met in Israel; she didn’t live in Florida but would come visit. And on her visits I rarely went to class, we usually would go to the beach or something. On one visit we were walking up to the beach on a random Friday and there were maybe 50 kids from my senior class just hanging out. She commented on how cool that was, but it was never something I ever thought about. There were a lot of things like that down here, you could often lose track and stop taking advantage of it. But, having places like the beach where you knew people would always be was comforting and since it was not apparently like that for everyone it makes feel pretty lucky to have had those places at that time. Even with the normal ups and downs of being a teenager, growing up here was pretty good. We never seemed to run out of things to do and I guess I don’t give this place as much credit as it deserves.

Workation

2006-11-20T14:03:00.000-05:00

I am in Florida for the week sort of on vacation and sort of working. It is sort of a tradition of mine, instead of taking a ton of time off work around Thanksgiving or coming home for a short stay on an overpriced flight I just stay for a long time on a reasonably priced flight and do some work while I am here. Speaking of my flight, it could not have been better; I am either a genius or the biggest sucker in America because every time United offers me to upgrade my seat for $34 I do it. But every time I end up in the 3rd row without anyone next to me and extra leg room. To me that might be worth a lot more than $34.

My friend Christine picked me up after the flight since I will be staying at here place while I am here. Sure, she turned my room into an exercise den but I can deal with it I think. And her dog barely woke me up this morning. But, the best thing about coming back to the place where you grew up is getting to see all the places of your youth. And I am staying right in the heart of it. Across the street from me is Central Park where I used to play baseball as a kid. But with every good memory is a bad one and every time I drive down the street I have to pass the spot where Bobby Jacomino died in a car crash that probably should have taken my life too. I went to the movies with Nicole at Sawgrass, where my best friends and I spent the better part of our 8th and 9th grade years. But the memory of that place seems so hollow knowing that they are spending their Thanksgiving holiday in Detroit, Bethesda and Brooklyn respectively.

It is hard to even call this place home anymore. I wonder if I ever could, because it was never the place that it was about, always the people. And most of them have moved on just like I have. Being here feels so familiar and so foreign, even some of the streets have literally changed. I know its not like this for everyone, there are plenty of people that I knew growing up here that are coming home for Thanksgiving and they cant wait to see all the people that they miss, they cant wait to go to Riverfront and bump into countless people from high school and college. But not me, I don’t want any of that, as a matter of fact, I can hardly remember many of their names. This trip down I will see a handful of people that I still talk to that live here. No offense meant to them but I think its time they start visiting me because I just don’t see myself coming down here much more. My best friends aren’t here, my sisters aren’t either, my mom still is but she is living in my Grandparents place until they sell it, so she might be gone soon too. I will be back in February and March but it will be different. So yeah, coming home is weird and filled with mixed emotions. A lot of good memories, but a lot of ones I’d rather forget as well. This will be my last long visit here, I just wonder when it got so hard?

Dogma

2006-11-19T00:28:00.000-05:00

Remember the opening scene from Dogma when Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are sitting in the airport just watching people? That’s sometimes how I feel. Over the past ten years I have been on hundreds of flights. I spend countless hours checking in and waiting for bags and going through security. And if I am not doing the flying myself there is a good chance I have someone that needs a ride from the airport. Right now I am sitting at Dulles waiting for my flight home for Thanksgiving thinking back on all the times I have been here*. And you know what I miss? I miss the times when you could meet people at the gate. The first time I flew into this airport I was a senior in high school coming to see a girl. I always loved that moment just outside the gate. The one where there was always so much joy, any crap that happened before didn’t matter, nothing really mattered because in that moment you were reconnected with the people you wanted to see. But airports are a funny place, the memories they give are tied to both happy and sad for they may bring the people you love to you but they also take them away. I must have said that a hundred times in airports saying goodbye to someone after a visit that felt too short. I don’t say it very often anymore because we also can’t have that very sad goodbye at the gate. I used to love those too. On this flight I have no one to sadly say goodbye to anyway, and no one to embrace on my arrival, not the way I used to anyway. And this is another thing airports can do to you, they bring up old memories long forgot.

So maybe they are a little more sad than happy or maybe not. I don’t really know. I just know that when you have a little time in an airport your mind can wander to very interesting places and things you didn’t even realize you missed become sad images of your past.

*This was written in the airport but posted after my flight.

Friday's are made for

2006-11-17T11:20:00.000-05:00

Posts with no cohesive direction at all.

Where to start? I guess I can just dive right in, every once in a while I like to write these posts that cover a lot of topics and I think this will be one of those. In no particular order of importance here we go.

- I really feel for Percy Harvin, every weekend we see him put on an incredible show of speed and athleticism. But, so often he limps off the field clearly in pain only to get back out there a few plays later and do it all over again. I was at the game against Tennessee when he sprained his ankle and I know he won’t heal completely until the season is over. How do I know this? Well, I sprained my ankle a few weeks later thanks to Tim Tebow and his touchdown in the first half of the Auburn game. Now, I rested mine for two weeks completely, while Percy was still practicing and preparing for football games, and still it was not completely healed. After two weeks I felt better and began working out again which has led to recurring pain in the ankle. So I can only imagine how much pain Percy is in while playing a much more physically demanding sport than my attempts at staying in Warrior III.

- Thursday night TV is the one I look forward to all week. Yes, I love Heroes on Monday and Friday Night Lights on Tuesday. But on Thursday I am actually compelled to watch the shows live instead of waiting for the DVR to record them. But, Thursday is getting a little crowded, I have Smallville at 8 followed by OC and Grey’s at 9 with Scrubs soon returning in the 9 o’clock hour also. So far I have let my DVR decide which I should watch live and which I will watch later. It has been the OC and it has been fantastic. I got hooked on this show when my buddy and former roommate gave me the first 2 seasons on DVD, I finished those in about a week. And after what I thought was a really bad third season I am really digging this new one. Smallville is also really good this season, did anyone catch the Martian Manhunter, damn that was so cool, I was excited by all its nerdy goodness.

- Speaking of DVRs there are two things I wish they could do. One is, I wish there was a way to schedule recordings from your computer or your cell phone. There have been so many times when I realize I want to go to Happy Hour or do something after work but also see something on TV that I’d like to record. Then I have to choose between them but if I could schedule my recordings remotely I could do both. Secondly, I wish there was a fast forward button that automatically skipped commercials. I remember a while ago I had a VCR with this function, it didn’t always work that well but at least they tried. I figure if a VCR can do it these silly hard drives should be able to.

- And lastly, I am going home tomorrow night. As I have been doing since I left Florida a few years ago I will spend about 9 days in my home state. I am looking forward to seeing my mom of course and eating at LaSpadas and CharHut and staying at Christine’s because she has high speed internet while my mom still uses dial up. I can’t wait until Friday when I will get to see my baby sister and take advantage of her job to get lots of drinks. I’ll probably just give her a big tip right off the bat and tell her to keep em coming. But, right now I am also not looking forward to a few things, packing and laundry at the bottom of the list. Mostly, I am a little sad that for the first time I won’t be able to go over to my Grandma’s house and give her a hug, she won’t be there to have lunch with at Deli Den, where she always ordered a tongue sandwich and cut the skin off her pickles. On my previous trips over the past few years I would go see her everyday I was in town. She would make me turkey sandwiches and tell me stories or we would go to Deli Den and an occasional dinner at her brother’s. I have a feeling it is something I will always miss when I go there and there is just no getting around it. So, I will just have to enjoy the good stuff that much more.

- OK, one more thing. My sister and best friend both went to FSU, I went to Florida so I understand what it's like to live under the same roof with the enemy. But I would never, ever do this to my house. It is hideous, I don't think I would paint a house in either of these color schemes alone but together they make me want to vomit.

The Short List

2006-11-16T11:47:00.000-05:00

I find myself in uncomfortable territory these days. Recently, I took over a semi-important position with work and while it seemed harmless at the time it was not. I am now on what I like to call the short list. That is the email distribution list reserved for important people in my area. This troubles me on so many levels, first of which is that I am an eternal outsider and uncomfortable with being part of the inner circle. Secondly, I used to call these people nerds for being on the short list and now I am one of them. And finally, I am that much closer to being figured out to be the fraud that I am. I am not important and every time I get one of these emails I ask myself why I am on the list. Yet, I find the whole situation to be pretty positive, false importance or not, I am on the short list and its not a bad place to be.

My Problem with Jarvis

2006-11-15T21:41:00.000-05:00

In my football dominated world the biggest disappointment I had this week was not the total cost of fixing my car, it was Jarvis Moss getting suspended. Now, we have no confirmation of what Jarvis actually did but it is speculated that he failed a drug test. And while I have absolutely no problem with marijuana I do have a problem with someone breaking team rules and having their decisions affect others. Most college kids are smoking weed, especially that Gainesville green, but they don’t have to take drug tests or worry about hurting the performance of anyone else by their use. Football players are rightfully or wrongly held to higher standards and they should try to live up to them. So, my problem with Jarvis is that he let people down and put an entire team and a lot of hard work in jeopardy.

Side rant: Most football players and college students are doing other illegal things that are not tested for. I know for a fact many were drinking underage and even if caught most probably would not miss a game for that. Personally, I think its time to legalize that dirt and stop treating it like it’s a capitol offense. I don’t even smoke the stuff but I trust my man Bob Marley.

"Yeah, man. It's time to let de people get good herbs and smoke. Government's a joke. All dey wan' is ya smoke cigarettes and cigar. Some cigar wickeder den herb. Yeah, man, ya can't smoke cigar. Smoke herb. Some big cigar me see man wit', God bless! Me tell him must smoke herb."

Bob Marley

My BcS rant

2006-11-14T12:56:00.000-05:00

Since Saturday everyone seemingly has something to say about the state of the BCS. And since I am not one to be left out here is mine. Obvious biases to the Orange and Blue aside the system sucks. Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks. Looking at the BCS for what it was supposed to be and what it is clearly shows you that it is flawed. The Bowl Championship Series was supposed to ensure that the #1 and #2 teams in the country played in a real championship game, however the formula for selecting said #1 and #2 has been in question every year of its existence. And so every year they tweak the system until it becomes an even murkier thing than the one before it. Oh and by the way, the AP poll can and will name its own National Champion if it doesn’t agree with the BCS (see USC 2003). So why continue tweaking a flawed system? Is it that bowl dollars are precious or that the establishment is too conservative to change? Prior to the BCS the bowl matchups were determined only by conference tie in to the bowl games meaning that it was possible for the top teams to not even play each other. This was clearly a problem that the BCS set out to avoid, and they have but to say they got it completely right is also not true. If we are going to continue selecting winners as if this is a beauty contest we need to select better judges. Everyone knows that the coaches don’t really vote in the coaches’ poll and that the Harris poll is an absolute joke, then you take a look at the computers and you get your mind blown from the statistical equations and huge variables involved in their selections. We either improve the selection process or we go to a playoff, because what we have now is clearly not working.

Not only does the current system leave out legitimate title contenders and crush the soul of the Cinderella team it is also dividing the fans of college football more than ever. From day one of the college football season the lobbying begins and vitriol begins to flow, fans not only have to hope for their teams’ victories but for their nearest opponents to lose. Hardly is it possible to enjoy a hard fought close victory when style points are needed. And then there is the lobbying, from coaches, to fans, to pundits, everyone is lobbying for one conference over another, one teams schedule over another and all of it is only a face value assessment. Bringing us to this year and the perceptions of this season people feel that Michigan and OSU are clearly the two best teams in the country but when you break down their schedules and stats it becomes a lot less clear. A keen observer would tell you that the top 8 teams in the new BCS are not all that different. And that is why we need a playoff, today Urban Meyer suggested that 8 conference champions prove it on the field in a playoff format. I am totally OK with that, the 6 BCS conferences plus the next two strongest each play a conference championship game in early December. After that teams get a few weeks off before playing a first round of playoffs around Christmas, running the playoffs into January when the current Championship game takes place. It would eliminate a lot of the debate, not all of it, but a good amount, because the teams would be proving it on the field. Sure, this may never happen but something has to.

This little rant has been running through my head since Sunday evening when we learned that the Gators were jumped by USC. Part of me understands, USC is the media darling, the team from LA with the celebrity fans and the recent success. They just blew out a decent Oregon team and they earned some much needed style points. People forget so quickly how shaky they have looked all year winning close games and losing a bad one. While Florida has won close games all year and lost to a good team on the road. No, the Gators don’t have the style points but they are winning and don’t deserve to be locked out because SC has a bigger media market. Not to only jump on SC, Notre Dame also has a shot at a Mythical National Championship should they beat USC on the 25^th. But this is the problem, to say that either of these teams is definitively better than Florida is impossible, either may finish the season 11-1 which is great, Florida may finish 12-1 after playing a conference championship game and still no one can say that Notre Dame or USC are not better because we just don’t know. We need a playoff. Let them prove it on the field because computer generated equations and human polls clearly have no way of deciding who the two best teams in the country are. 8 conferences, 8 champions, 1 playoff to see who is the best.

Sleep, my most elusive pursuit

2006-11-13T11:36:00.000-05:00

I fight it and fight it but I am losing. I am one of the sleep deprived, unable to rest without help of drugs or sedatives to keep me in bed for an entire night of uninterrupted sleep. Last night felt different, I thought I would make it, but again it was not meant to be. Initially, sleep came easy and it lasted for a few hours before fitful dreams got the best of me. Whether they were caused by one of Jack’s posts, my own imagination or the new book I am reading I am not sure. But, one thing is for sure, I had a terrible dream that woke me in the middle of the night. After the dream woke me I could not fall back asleep, for over an hour I tossed and turned, switching positions and pillows, sides of the bed, but nothing would work. Finally I must have fallen asleep about an hour before my alarm was to go off. I snoozed for a long time after that and I am a bit of a mess now.

I am out of it both from the dream and the lack of a good nights sleep. I rarely remember my dreams so that when I actually do remember them I find it interesting mostly. A lot of the time they are very mundane and boring, just normal stuff. However, what woke me this night was eerie, almost a warning or a premonition. I was in the middle of a battle but had lost my gun. In the real I have never had a gun, never trained for combat, never desired to fight. Yet for some reason this dream makes me feel it is inevitable and that I have been putting off preparation, that I will not be ready for some looming danger. Or, could it possibly be something else, could it all be symbolism? Perhaps I am unarmed because I do not have the knowledge I need to survive in my current career? If that is the case would it be too much of a coincidence that I began training on a new technology today? So many questions, so few answers, isn’t that always the way things are for me?

My dreams have left me disturbed, my lack of sleep has left me cloudy and my future is as ambiguous as it has always been. This is why I prefer not to remember my dreams, they create ever more questions for a constantly questioning mind.

This is not a College Football blog

2006-11-12T13:53:00.000-05:00

Although over the next couple of weeks it may look that way. Just as it is not a college basketball blog but certainly looked that way in March and April.

This is what happens when you are a fan of a team in the hunt for National Titles. In the Spring I actually lost my voice for a month cheering the for the Gator Basketball team. A few weeks ago I sprained my ankle cheering for the Gator Football team, being a fan is a rough life. But, it is also so damn exciting.

Starting last Thursday night the college football landscape has completely opened up and now there are a ton of teams and scenarios to watch. The Gators don’t entirely control their destiny but if they keep winning I am not sure they can be held out of a trip to the desert in January.

But until the regular season is over all the talk is really just pointless. Look at what has happened in the past four days and you will know that there is a lot of football left to play. Texas lost, Auburn lost, Louisville lost, Cal lost, it was one of those weekends that makes this sport so exciting. And it is also why Gator fans can keep talking Fiesta Bowl but the Gator team has 3 games left to play.

Here is what we can look forward to over the next couple of weeks for the Gators:

Senior Day vs. Western Carolina – They are a 1AA school who will not really have any chance but it will be senior day so expect to see the Seniors get their playing time early and hopefully turn it over to the younger guys for most of the game. It will be a good week to rest up some of the walking wounded and get a nice mental break before a rivalry game.

FSU – Even in a down year this game can not be taken lightly. I will be up in Tally for this one so I am really hoping for a good showing. That and I cant stand my sister after they win. The Noles do look like crap but you cant take them lightly at all.

SECCG – Our first trip to Atlanta since 2000 and we will most likely be playing a very good Arkansas team. They looked really good running the ball against Tennessee last night and our defense looks like it took a huge hit by losing Marcus Thomas. By this game a lot of things can unfold and if the Gators hold course and win out they have a great chance to be playing for the MNC. If that doesn’t fire you up nothing will.

Who’s got next?

2006-11-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

Today is my last day on my current project at work. As a consultant you get used to changing clients constantly but it is always an adventure. In the public sector we get to stick with our clients a little longer than some of the commercial consultants who are in and out before you even knew there name. I think being in public sector makes moving on from project to project a little more difficult since you are around long enough to make some relationships. Still, it is good to be able to move on and find something new to keep you interested or to just find a better fit. I am not sure what I will be doing next yet, or even where I will be doing it from. I could be in Rhode Island, Chicago or DC. And those are just the options as of today, tomorrow there could be more. But tomorrow is Veterans Day and I do not exactly have to work.

Speaking of Veterans Day how come I have no recollection of this holiday at all? I get it, the name really couldn’t be clearer but it sparks absolutely no memories. I vividly remember what we did for other holidays when we were in elementary school but when I plod through the recesses of my mind I get nothing. The file for Veterans Day is empty. Even the holidays that didn’t have an elementary school memory have something like bbq’s or the beach or the family, you name it I have a distinct feel for it and a complete mental image but for tomorrow all I get is little army guy hats. And just typing that made me think of little army men but now I am completely off track and not thinking about Veterans Day at all. So, with no memories and most of my friends working I will spend the Vets day doing things for myself I guess.

In preparation for the holiday that will be soon called Leaf Day in Falls Church, VA I will be listening to “Watching the Detectives” (Elvis Costello, awesome song) another hundred times today and preparing a grocery list. I think it will be a great holiday for me but I have no idea who’s got next?

My Professors would be so upset

2006-11-08T16:55:00.000-05:00

It is probably no secret that I did not vote yesterday. It is also clear to many that I am not even registered to vote. I don’t really follow politics very much and as such I am not very qualified to speak about it anymore. For the most part in recent years I came to one conclusion; IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER. So, you can see why my professors must be so ashamed of me right now. I was a good student, an attentive student and I really like Political Science, got my degree in it actually. At one time I loved it, wanted to be a politician, a lawyer and all that. But then something happened, I moved here, I got close enough to feel the fire and I watched scandal and corruption and read about it until my eyes bled. I fought over issues on message boards, I cared, until I didn’t. The issues no longer matter to me, I don’t really care about the elections or the amendments. Because at some point I stopped seeing any differences, they are all the same and no matter whom you elect it seems that nothing will change. It is all bullshit and none of it matters.

Yet, somehow last night I was watching Decision 2006. I may not care enough to vote but I was definitely intrigued to see who won. Kind of like the World Series, I wasn’t voting for either of those two teams but I still wanted to see the outcome. That’s what politics has become to me, a spectator sport. I no longer want to participate or invest myself in one team, because at the end of the day they are all really the same and they have nothing in common with me. The outcome of the World Series and the outcome of the Midterm elections have about the same impact on my everyday life. And that is to say none at all. Although, I really want George Allen to lose to Jim Webb, not because I like Jim Webb or anything, but because George Allen is an ass, for all I know Jim Webb is worse. And for me that’s what it boils down to, I dislike a lot of politicians but I don’t like any of them so I am not voting for them. I hope the ones I like less lose but I am not investing myself in something full of people and institutions I despise. But you better believe I will vote a 100 times on an ESPN poll to prove that Ben Hill Griffin stadium is the best stadium in college football. Priorities people.

Where is the love for the domestic peace keepers?

2006-11-07T16:56:00.000-05:00

It is Election Day all over the country so I figured I would post something about our civil servants. But this wasn’t really prompted by that, it was prompted by a message board post that I read. I read a lot of message boards, mostly sports related, specifically Gator boards. And on these boards occasionally there will be a very nice post from a member of the armed services. Sometimes they are serving in Iraq or Afghanistan or just somewhere at home but they are always met with a flurry of thanks and well wishing. These threads can go on for pages and pages of people who don’t know this person thanking them for all they do and sending prayers there way (even though this is scientifically impossible) and all these other great things. Now, I don’t want to take away from the military and say they don’t deserve the accolades, the well wishing or the thanks they receive. I just think that the Police and Firefighters deserve it more. Yes, that’s right, I said more. It is just that it has been 60 years since the US military establishment has been directly fighting to protect America. I am not necessarily against the situation in Iraq, I am not really for it either, but mostly I don’t see how it is protecting Americans everyday. So, who are the people that are protecting us everyday? The local Police Officers, the firefighters, the FBI, and all the other American agencies that are tasked with keeping us safe everyday here at home, that’s who. Again, I do not want to take away from what those who serve in the military are doing, I do have a great deal of respect for our service people, but at the same time I don’t think people give enough credit to some very highly trained people who put their lives on the line for complete strangers in their own neighborhoods. We have people driving squad cars around our cities and towns late at night doing their best to protect us while we sleep right here at home. Those soldiers who are half a world away may be protecting us from some future danger, but our Police Officers and others will protect us from immediate danger here at home and they deserve a little more love and maybe a care package.

Workplace Coffee Update

2006-11-06T16:24:00.000-05:00

Last week I mentioned the coffee cups from Dunkin Donuts that magically appeared on top of the pay coffee machine in the kitchen on my floor. Today I discovered that they have been joined by Starbucks cups. Apparently, it is important to give your workers cup variety when stealing the cups from local coffee selling establishments. I find this new development very exciting however and I am even considering making a really crappy coffee right now but pretending I just ordered a tall something or other from Starbucks.

And the Days go by so fast

2006-11-06T13:17:00.000-05:00

Another weekend down the drain and I find myself back in the office I love so much. But, a lot of great things occurred this weekend and while work is still work it seems there may be some happenings that might not be so bad.

On Thursday after picking up my friend from the airport we made a trip to MVC (if you can find it you will understand) which led to some interesting moments over the weekend.

My doctor told me to watch what I eat, as if I don’t already, then I proceeded to eat the least healthy food I have consumed in a long time. It wasn’t just that I left the doctors office and went straight to IHOP for breakfast or that I had dinner at Cheesecake Factory later that night. But I also went camping.

Before we left for our camping excursion we also managed to check out the Borat movie and well, it lived up to the enormous hype. It was funny, it was sad and at times I could not breathe from laughing so much. See this movie, I am very tough on the movies I will pay $10 to see in a crowded theater but this is worth it. It was funny and sad while it poked fun at portions of our society that some of us choose to ignore because they embarrass us.

Myself, JB, Mike and Courtney headed up about an hour away to a KOA campground near the Potomac and Shenandoah Rivers. The place was actually pretty packed despite the freezing temperatures. But, the cold was not that bad; we all layered up pretty well and kept a decent fire going most of the night. I was a little skeptical to be honest but once we got there and had our tents up the rest of the night was amazing. We ate a lot, I mean a lot (Moo Burgers, Smores, Popcorn, Chili, pretzels, sour patch kids, Beef Stew, tater tots, cocoa, pancakes, bacon, and lots of beer and whiskey). The trip was perfect until I drove into a tree stump on my way out and messed up the bottom of my front bumper.

After getting home JB and I spent the rest of the day in bed until she had to catch her flight home. And that was my weekend until I woke up for work this morning where life is back to normal, I am still tired and plan on sleeping as much as possible the rest of the week.

Short work week

2006-11-02T13:57:00.000-05:00

I am off tomorrow which means that there is about a 95% chance my computer will be put away and I won’t be writing any nonsense. So this will have to be my big sendoff to another weekend.

First, if you are bored, check out this link, it’s hysterical.

Second, tonight is another big night of television and since I am an addict I don’t know what to do. I guess I will record it all (OC, Grey’s, UL-WVU game).

It’s gonna be cold this weekend, someone even mentioned snow, good thing we are camping Saturday night.

And two more random things since I really don’t feel like writing something that isn’t random:

1. The guy that came out to fix my cable is my new hero. Not only did he fix everything in my house he showed me what he was doing along the way. I learned more about cable in two hours than I had my entire life. He gave me a new HD box, amplified my signal and re-did all the wiring to my room; apparently the tips of the cables were not flush and therefore could become pixilated. He also fixed the connection from the wall that had this problem. I might have to call in and give this man a bravo for the work he did.

2. My office has been steadily reducing costs by taking away things from the kitchens on each floor. First they switched from Starbucks coffee to some generic stuff, then they switched to a pay per cup machine. It is only 50 cents but still. Anyway, in what might be the latest cost cutting measure the coffee cups sitting on top of the pay coffee machine are now all from Dunkin Donuts and so are some of the sweeteners. Did someone just blatantly steal them? Were they found in a dumpster? Is this one of the shadiest things a company can do? I really want a coffee but I am scared of the cups. Anyway, have a great weekend, stay warm and Go Gators.

Work From Home Wednesdays

2006-11-01T15:17:00.000-05:00

Join the revolution people. It starts today, a word of mouth campaign to save the American workforce. I think such a simple gesture could change business in this country as we know it. Think about it, we are burning ourselves out faster than ever and in a country that should be at the forefront of technology we aren’t taking advantage. Now, as we all have seen over recent years communication technology has made advances that have allowed us to open up the global market in major ways, as a consultant I get to see this first hand and perhaps my job offers the type of freedom that can be extended to other positions. Well, at least for one day a week. I have been both a home worker and an everyday office guy, so I know the benefits and downsides of both, which is why I am proposing one day a week where the country doesn’t commute, where we can get things done around the house, where we don’t have to get out of our pajamas to get some work done. Think about how much this would help morale around the office, you still work and you still have things to do only it feels different because it’s a special day from home. I am working from home today, this Wednesday, it will be the first of many, how many of you will join me next week?

If Spain can have siestas we Americans deserve Work From Home Wednesday.

No Wide Angles in My Life

2006-10-31T11:30:00.000-05:00

As I stated yesterday I frequently make the trip from my lovely cubicle to the restroom on the fifth floor of my building. I’d say I make this trip anywhere from 5-10 times a day. And on about half of those trips I either have a collision or nearly avoid one with another coworker. For some reason everyone in my office likes to take tight corners at more than a leisurely pace as if they are in the middle of a human NASCAR race. I am guilty of this as well of course, I mean if I wasn’t on some race to and from the bathroom I wouldn’t be bumping into the people that were doing the same thing. Today I almost took out a woman who works on my floor that I probably weigh twice as much as, it would have been like those old Reebok commercials with the office linebacker. Being that I am not a small guy I have decided I need to slow it down in the office for everyone else’s safety. And I think I am going to start taking the outside when I come around the corners.

Fighting the urge

2006-10-30T15:27:00.000-05:00

After being away from the blog for the weekend I am always tempted to write about my weekend. Then I think about my weekend and realize how incredibly boring that would sound to an outside observer. Watch this, try not to fall asleep. Friday night I sat in my living room on the phone for about an hour until my phone started to die, then I drove around in my car where my phone could charge for about another hour. Two or so hours on the phone and aimless driving, that was my Friday night. And Saturday wasn’t much better, I had breakfast and watched College Gameday then met up with some friends to watch the Gator game. After the game I just went home and stayed in, I am lame. Sunday I went to the gym and ran errands, then watched football and saw the Departed. Departed was really good, and I rarely like movies like this. Cops and robbers just don’t do it for me, but this was a good, well acted and directed flick and the music in the movie I found to be great as well, especially the cover of Comfortably Numb.

Looking forward to the week ahead is a little bit more entertaining. Tonight I will split my time between a roommate interview, the Vikings vs. the Pats and Heroes. Then tomorrow I have to finish my preparations for guests and camping. Wednesday I work from home and Thursday JB will be flying in although she is being lame and not using the invisible plane or bringing her golden lasso.

And I just wanted to throw this in here to show you all how crazy I actually am. I do some things that would probably be classified as OCD, they aren’t bad really, just certain rules I make for myself that I try to follow, fortunately I am OK with breaking them occasionally. One place where there are lots of rules is when I use the restroom at work. I drink a ton of water and spend half my day walking back and forth to the bathroom. But once I get there it becomes decision time. First you should know that this bathroom has three stalls and three urinals. I will not use one urinal (the midget one) and one stall (handicapped). So now I am choosing between the 4 remaining options, here I wont use a urinal or a stall if someone just finished using them, nor will I use one if the person before me did not flush, and I try not to use one with someone using the one immediately next to the one I want to use, unless its in the stall. And then after all that I won’t use the sink that I just saw someone use or the weird sink at the end but will use a sink next to someone. And then finally when walking out there are two options for paper towels, I will not use the one where you have to pull down on the lever, instead I have to use the one where you can just pull the paper towels out on their own. But here is the craziest part, all of this only matters in the office, in most other restrooms I don’t care at all but for some reason the one at work has certain rules. So among other things I find myself fighting the urge to not let my oddities overtake my life.

Halloween

2006-10-30T13:20:00.000-05:00

I know it is not until tomorrow but here are some things to think about while you do whatever your little heart desires tomorrow night. Just dont egg or shaving cream my house or car you damn kids.

Top Ten Best Ghost Photos ever

- this one is really creepy and since I dont want anyone to have nightmares or be afraid after reading it I give you this next link.

Petsmart Pet Costume Contest

- I am generally against the dressing of animals. I am also a little against the dressing of certain humans but that is for another time. Enjoy.

Did you have sexual relations with any other family members?

2006-10-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

In case it isn’t entirely obvious I learned how to imbed you tube videos (there is one at the bottom and it explains the strange title) in my posts this week. Can I make it anymore obvious when I learn a new trick? I did the exact same thing with pictures back when I first started posting. I am easily excited by little things. And I guess that is why I do this at all; it gives me something to do and to entertain myself a little. I have had my ups and downs with it, and over the past 170 or so posts there have been many that stunk or were just uninspired. Anyway, another week is gone and as I often do I will be going away from my computer for a few days but I’d like to leave something for the people who stop in.

- Is it bad that I am 25 and the word “poop” makes me laugh? I was discussing this with someone earlier and with a doctor and both times I was biting my tongue holding in the laughter.

- We have been interviewing new roommates recently and here is some advice for any potential roommates out there: Do not, I repeat do not, bring up the fact that you might be getting laid off from your job when trying to move into a place. I don’t know if this works with other people but when a potential tenant asks me how fast he can move out I’d rather not have them move in.

- I may be completely nuts but I like the weather right now (dark, cold and rainy) I just wish I was in bed, instead of in my office.

- One of my friends who regularly reads my blog recently referred to himself as a Leaf blogger. I didn't realize there was a classification for that yet, I wonder when I get my own Wikipedia page will be. And should we decide on a formal name the few of you who are loyal readers? How about "Leafers", my sister might argue since she was referred to as that on occasion in High School but I like it. Let me know.

- Apparently the reigning National Champions have political differences. I am not shocked.

- Also, it is the week of the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. The presidents of the schools don’t like that name but the fans love it. There is a huge divide between Gator fans of different generations because this has been such a lopsided rivalry. UGA owned us for years but we have gone 14-2 in the last 16, I was 5-0 when I attended it during my college years. I have friends who went to Georgia and I loved partying with them on Friday nights, I also loved when they drove home on Saturday night and the Landing was all Orange and Blue after the game. I have not been back in years and I don’t really miss being there but I love the pageantry of that rivalry and the split stadium on the St. Johns River. I hope it is there for a long time.

My week has been pretty crazy and I am glad it is over. Stress over work and medical problems can do that to you. But just like any good sitcom things usually resolve themselves in a short time and by the end of the episode everything is back to normal. I have a lot to look forward to over the next few days and a lot to keep me busy. Have a great weekend and enjoy this deleted scene from the Borat movie.

It never gets old

2006-10-27T11:06:00.000-05:00

This morning as I drove to work I heard this on the radio, "Defending National Champions Florida are pre-season #1." They are talking about Gator basketball the day before the Cocktail Party, that in itself is amazing but even more so is that it's because we are actually good. Really good, favorites to repeat as National Champs no less. In case you forgot how good that was, watch this.

Cocktail Party Memories

2006-10-26T21:06:00.000-05:00

Most people don't remember much about their trips to Jacksonville. Thankfully someone puts together great video clips of the game highlights.

Everything’s gonna be alright

2006-10-26T15:39:00.000-05:00

The surgeon or specialist or whatever he wants to call himself was not impressed. I think he was slightly mad at me. He basically told me that there was nothing wrong with me that eating a little better and having less stress in my life couldn’t cure. Makes me happy, but also makes me wonder why my primary care couldn’t do the exact same tests, its not like it was that difficult. This doctor looked for abnormalities and found none, thankfully, that saga in my life is over for now. And everything is going back to normal, where I am not the one being worried about but doing the worrying.

This brings me to my comfort zone in the realm of medical dramas. I get to start worrying about my mom again, who was informed that she has to have some more tests done as well. Hers is a little scarier as my family has a history of breast cancer, I mean if you can have such thing. My aunts who are twins have both had their trials with it, one had it twice and the other had some other problem that required surgery. It is something that my whole family is very aware of. We do breast cancer walks, and donate money and forward all those ridiculous emails. Hopefully, since my mom knows this and stays on top of it she will have caught anything early. Or, like with me, it could be nothing at all.

I do plenty of worrying about people, my friends and family, people I don’t even know. Some would probably say its unhealthy to have so much concern for others that it affects you all the time. But it just happens to be who I am, it’s a big brother syndrome I think, where everyone you know and care about becomes your responsibility. Most people think it would be too much to ask of a young person to be this way and many do not have to deal with being the one responsible for others mental and physical well being, at least not at my age. Yet here I am, constantly listening to people’s problems and giving advice, being a shoulder to lean on and sometimes more. At times it makes me dark and bitter; you can ask my college friends about that. But it is just the result of giving so many others all my positive vibes that sometimes it appears I don’t even have my own.

But I do. It’s a secret that I rarely let out, maybe you have noticed it, I really believe the stuff I say. I believe in people, I believe things will work out, I believe in miracles and that good things do happen. No matter what darkness may fall upon you there is always a way out, it might not be the outcome you hope for or even want but in the end things will be alright.

And so I'm turning to Bob Marley

2006-10-25T18:42:00.000-05:00

My day has not gone so well and I have been in a shitty mood for most of the afternoon. But, I don’t want that to pour over into anything I write today. Actually I had decided not to write, at least not until after working out or getting home and getting into bed. But no, I will write something, it wont make sense and it wont flow, nor will any of it seem to go together but it will be written. And when I read this later I will probably delete it for hating it so much.

The other night when we were driving through the country on the way to the haunted forest two thoughts crossed my mind. The first was how quiet and peaceful it was and how odd it was that you could see the stars so well. The second was that I could never live that far from the grocery store. I then said this out loud and our country friends in the backseat something about having to go into town. I can never be a person who has to go into town, I need to live in the town. Who are these people that can live more than ten minutes from a grocery store and how many freezers do they own? I am at the store on average 5 days a week. I guess there is no country home in my future but this does make me question my boat fantasy.

This could also go in the Things I Just Don’t Get category. People constantly call me around 4 pm on a Wednesday. I answer the phone a little hushed being I work in a cubicle and without fail these people ask me if I am working. Every single time my answer is the same “Its 4pm on a Wednesday, of course I am working” and somehow they are all still shocked and they still call. But, before I piss them off, I love you all and appreciate your calls, just stop asking stupid questions.

Remember the bachelor party debacle? If you have been reading for a while or looked at some of my old stuff you will know that one of my old college roommates is getting married in February and we have been trying to plan his bachelor party for months. He has slacked on it for so long that nothing ever got achieved even though there are dirt cheap flights to Vegas in January. His latest idea was the SECCG in Atlanta in early Dec. which would be great if I was not going to be in Florida for ten days before that and therefore have no vacation left. That idea was not working and now the DC crew has won the ultimate victory, our friend is considering coming to us for a weekend of debauchery and things you shouldn’t speak of in the dullest city in America.

There is a moment every night in the middle of fall when I am leaving the office and about to get into my car that I think is absolute magic. Sometimes like tonight I just stand there with my door open for a few seconds and take it all in. The air is cool and crisp and smells great and the sky is just light enough to still see pretty well. I don’t know what it is exactly about that twilight moment but it helps erase all the crap that can build up during the day.

So I guess that’s it for today. Think positive people, tomorrow I am getting violated by a trained professional.

Super hero Bullets

2006-10-24T15:50:00.000-05:00

- Heroes last night was great. This has to be the best new show on TV this year and I am so proud that I knew what Peter’s real power was. It became obvious to me early on but I wasn’t sure until the end of last week when he talked with future Hiro. I am not a genius or anything and I am sure others noticed this before me but it’s really cool that Peter has the abilities of whoever he is around; I enjoyed that twist a lot. I have also grown on the She-Hulk Nikki who I previously said had no powers but a split personality. Damn, this show is great, I spent Sunday night watching all the episodes then watched the new one on Monday and at the end of every episode I am left thinking how amazing the episode was and how I can not wait until next Monday.

- Justice League Heroes is a lot of fun. I picked up this game sometime last week and have been playing it off and on since. For those of you who don’t know the Justice League features Wonder Woman, Superman, Batman, Flash, Green Lantern and the Martian Manhunter as well as other characters. This game is very similar to the Marvel action RPG X-Men Legends and its sequel. The games themselves are not that deep or difficult but it’s great to fly around as Superman.

- And speaking of Superman, I think Smallville is still going strong. I’ve been hooked on this show for years, even through college it was the only show that I religiously watched. And as the characters get older the story line moves closer to that of the super hero that Clark Kent will be. I can not wait to see how this season develops.

So, when exactly did I become such a super hero head? I definitely did not take the ordinary route to comic book and by extension super hero fandom. I was the last kid on the block that you would see with comics. Mostly this was a byproduct of my mom’s desire to keep me from being nerdy. She thought I had to try extra hard to not be a nerd since I had asthma, so I basically played every sport imaginable although I was pushed to do well in school it was nowhere near as important as physical prowess in sports. I was pretty good too, for a while anyway. I was your typical American boy; I played sports, collected baseball cards and played Tecmo Bowl. It was only really through cartoons and movies that I was ever exposed to comics and their characters. All of this has changed recently as I have really been drawn to these fantasy based stories and have been trying to find and read all the great comics that I missed out on in my youth. I don’t think I will ever become a fanboy or anything but I definitely want to read the classics to see where these TV shows and movies came from and to experience them in their intended form. I figure if you are gonna read the Lord of the Rings to fully appreciate Tolkien you really should read Alan Moore to really understand the Joker and the Batman. Plus, I think all of us have a little part of us that wants to be special and these stories show us that just maybe we can be.

Open Letter to the World

2006-10-24T10:06:00.000-05:00

I posted the text of this a while ago but here is the video that someone made to go with it.

Haunted Forest

2006-10-23T13:24:00.000-05:00

I have mentioned it many times and I have been looking forward to it for months and Saturday night we finally made it out there. Markoff’s Haunted Forest was the perfect alternative to another Saturday night out in DC or its trendy suburbs. After a day of casually watching football and playing video games 8 of us ventured into the heart of darkness, Dickerson MD. We met up at Scotties house in Bethesda and from there we took two cars down River Rd. through Potomac, where there is a house that I still consider haunted and unsafe, then took some road that was pitch black and scary as hell through Poolesville and finally out to the corn field where we parked our cars. When we got out there it was about 9:30 and the place was packed, the line to get in to the waiting area took about 20 minutes but it was a nice night out and you could see more stars than us city dwellers are used to. After signing waivers and getting inside we realized that they were nowhere near our group’s number to actually enter the forest. It would be about an hour and a half before we ever got called. During that time we kept ourselves entertained by eating hot dogs and sweet almonds and drinking hot cider or cocoa. We also sat around some bonfires and watched people make funnel cake. There were a lot of things to do out there, a zip line, a wall climb, a hay ride, a death jump and a Haunted bus but we chose to just sit around and tell stories while trying to stay warm. In the hour plus that we waited you could feel the temperature continually drop. But once we could hear the numbers getting close to ours we all started getting pretty excited and could not wait to get inside.

Once you enter the mouth of the giant skull you have two choices, left or right. I assume either one is equally frightening but we went left onto path 1. The path itself is a very dimly lit trail through the woods which is scary enough on its own until you realize there are people lurking in the woods in dark costumes and makeup waiting to scare the crap out of you. Luckily for me the way our group was set up I was rarely the focal point of any attacks and mostly got to laugh my way through the trail as my friends got scared. Along the trail we came upon numerous scenes or sets with people in corresponding costumes, but the scariest room to me was a house that had no light and walls so tight that you could feel them on either side of you. As you walk through this house forced by the way the wall pushes you there is no clue as to what is next and then when you finally come out from the tight walls there is someone waiting to jump out with a flash of light and scare the crap right out of you. From that little shack we roamed past a country home full of jack o lanterns, a downed plane, a graveyard, some voodoo huts and one scary horse. But by far the scariest was the end of the path where you are literally swarmed by chainsaw wielding psychos before walking through a sideways bus that lets you out into an industrial wasteland complete with techno music, fire, strobe lights and an electrified fence. And just for good measure they have two people hiding just on the other side of the exit to get you one more time.

At the end of the night it was all worth it; The 45 minute drives, 3 hours in the wilderness and the rapidly dropping temperatures. I’d even go again, but next time I’m bringing money to do the zip line and get a funnel cake.

It’s a mini music miracle

2006-10-21T12:20:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of the week, as I often do, I sent out an email to my friends of upcoming events. They usually involve bands or good happy hours, sporting events and haunted houses. Most times the music is overlooked and I am left missing out on seeing a band or having to find other people to go with me. And that is how I thought it was going to be this week. The responses to my very insightful email, which included links to the bands and the other events, only received positive responses for the Haunted Forest on Saturday night. So, after work on Friday I had resigned myself to a nice chill night home, I ate dinner and lit candles and was going to throw on a movie when my phone started ringing.

I had just finished telling people I was staying in but then Pat called and Kevin called, Mint called and EK IMed me, who then gave Sophia my screen name and she IMed me. Next thing I know I am jumping in the shower and getting ready to head out. I know it was just a little thing for people to finally want to do something for the sole reason that I suggested it but I was thrilled. I had seen both bands before, they are locals, and I really enjoyed them so I had hoped my friends would want to check them out. The bands, EBP and Shane Hines, were pretty good. EBP the opener in my opinion was better but Shane put on a pretty good show too, he covered a Police song and Rocket Man. We got to the club about half way through the opening set and ended up finding a perfect spot at the bar where we enjoyed the rest of the show. Afterwards we lost Mint and Kevin and Pat but Sophia, Ed and I found our way to the Grill for some more live music. A cover band was playing that did a slow version of Outkast’s Hey Yeah that was amazing. The three of us hung out there until the lights came on and we were forced out onto the street, found Soph a cab and Ed and I metro’d home. It was a great night from the beginning because it was unexpected but it was made better when everyone enjoyed themselves and we made more concert plans in the future. I like mini miracles.

Scarier than Ghosts

2006-10-20T14:39:00.000-05:00

I am not going to go into detail on this as much as I could but I will tell as much of the story as I am comfortable with. This morning as I was preparing for a normal Friday at work when something went terribly wrong. I noticed I was bleeding from somewhere that I really didn’t expect to be bleeding from and that the bleeding just was not stopping. So, I put down the food I was about to prepare for lunch and called my doctor who told me I could see him at 10:30 am. From that moment on I was totally freaking out, a mess, I called a co-worker and left a completely unintelligible message, called my mom hoping she would make me feel better but she didn’t, I called my team lead at work to let him know I wouldn’t be making it into the office and then I got ready to go to the doctors.

But during the hour or more between realizing something was not right and speaking to my doctor I was scared. You can only imagine the kind of horrible thoughts that go through someone’s head when they have no idea what they are facing. I felt light headed and shaky and so uncertain of the world. It really caught me off guard because I have never really been scared about a medical problem before. There have been times where I probably should have died in my past but I was never scared at all. Maybe the fear came with age or maybe the problems in the past with asthma had become such a part of my life that I was no longer afraid of it, but this was new and unknown and more than that I want things out of life now. I guess it was a combination of things, before I was too young to realize that we don’t have all the time in the world and I felt sort of invincible. Now I know I want things out of life that I have not accomplished yet and all of those things flashed through my mind as I drove to that doctor’s office. The first thought I had was it will be a shame if I don’t get to do these things because something is wrong with me. The second one was fuck that if there really is something wrong I will just have to get them done faster.

I guess that’s all it takes to wake you up, a little scare. Granted I am still not out of the woods yet, I have a check up with my doctor in two weeks and need to schedule an appointment with a specialist before that. For now I am feeling better and hoping this all turns out to be nothing but a lesson learned and a much needed wake up call. What was the saying in Shawshank Redemption? Get busy living or get busy dying, I think that’s it. It’s about time I tried that, before it’s too late.

It’s a Bye Week

2006-10-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

* This Saturday Florida’s Mighty Gators are receiving a much needed break. They are resting up and trying to get better after a tough loss last Saturday on the Plains. But last night as I was driving home I realized two things. The first was that after watching two weeks of Lost I had completely lost interest in that show again and the second was that not only does the football team get a bye so do the fans.

It is a strange feeling to realize how much football affects fans, especially those from big programs in the south. I wait all summer for football, now that I am an adult summer is a big waste of time and I just want fall practice to start. The basketball team kept me occupied and on edge for most of the Spring but Summer was a wasteland. And now that football is here it consumes just about everyday of the week. That is until the bye week. I don’t think I have realized in the past but this week has just felt so different from the past 6. I have not been anxious or nervous or all over the internet looking for articles about my team. I have not called Trey every night on my way home to talk about how so and so looked at practice. I did call Nicole but not to talk her through her drive to Gainesville, just to talk about normal things like life and work and Haunted Forests, which she is totally missing out on. EK is still crazy as ever about the Gators but at least he gets Saturday off from driving himself nuts watching our boys play. So, as much as I love football season I am really happy we get a bye week. I can rest up my ankle, make some normal plans and not drink 3 car bombs and 10 beers this Saturday, well I probably will still do that it just wont take as long because I wont be staring at the TV watching my teams every move.

*I wanted to put up a picture of an alligator resting or sleeping but it wasn't exactly a peaceful looking picture so I used dogs instead.

This is some scary shit

2006-10-18T13:31:00.000-05:00

World's Scariest Ghosts Caught on Tape

Reconnecting

2006-10-18T10:16:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was forwarded an email from my old teacher. I have mentioned him before but have not spoken to him in about 8 years. Back in the day when I was in his class we were still using snail mail for communication and email was not as common as it is today. Anyway, I was a senior in high school who had a lot of things on my plate that I deemed more important than writing letters back and forth to my teacher in Israel. College apps, girlfriends, work, school work and partying took up most of my time and so eventually I just moved on. I went to college and did my thing and that was that. Every once in a while I have talked about Yossi and I have thought about him on occasion, when a former student of his died in combat during the fighting with Lebanon I was crushed and felt more connected to the conflict than ever before. And now thanks to a forwarded email I have a chance to reconnect with him and possibly help him out after all these years. But I just don’t know what to say, I don’t know where to start. He was a huge influence in my life and yet I can’t put down the opening line of an email. I have had that email open since I received it and still haven’t put down a single word in the reply field. How do you start the process of reconnecting with someone after not speaking for so long?

In other news spraining my ankle has got me doing two of my favorite things, limping and lying in bed half conscious thanks to my pain medication. The good news is that for the first time since I rolled my ankle over the weekend it was not hurting when I woke up so I am hoping it will be healthy enough to make it through the Haunted Forest this Saturday night.

The Unexpected

2006-10-17T14:33:00.000-05:00

One thing that I really enjoy is being caught off guard, I like surprises. Perhaps that is because I am still a kid who is just not ready to grow up. But, really all the things I love and I am intrigued by are those where the outcome is unexpected. My favorite TV shows, all sports, the books I read and the people I surround myself with. I also think a lot of people are this way and why so many people never get to a serious point in relationships. I know this is my status quo, once the surprises are over its hard to maintain what you had. I have had this problem with lots of areas of my life such as jobs, schools, friendships and girlfriends. I used to call this the two month rule because after about 2 months I felt I had learned all I needed to know and would not be surprised by anything anymore. There are examples of people and places that have beat the 2 month rule, there are those who have been cast aside after 2 months and those who made it for the long haul even though there are no surprises left in them. But it is the places or things or people that surprise me after 2 months that I cherish the most.

Here are some recent surprises I have enjoyed:

One of my roommates who seems like the ultimate good girl, spends her Sundays at church, doesn’t smoke, barely drinks and I don’t think I have heard a bad word ever come out of her mouth got a tattoo over the weekend.

I was surprised to see my friend Kevin, who rarely is able to hang with us, out last weekend and to learn that he was interested in going out with us again next weekend.

I was surprised that only one of my friends has responded positively to being on the guest list for the Wizards Dance Team party when I thought every guy I know would jump at that.

And last night I was surprised by the deep inner thoughts and wanderings of a new friends mind. You never really know what is going on in someone’s head until they let you in.

Sometimes the surprises are small, sometimes they are big but they are always new and always intriguing. But the best ones are the ones that are unexpected. I’d like to think that what you see from me is not what you expect and I like when others are not what I would expect.

In Dreams

2006-10-16T15:56:00.000-05:00

Friday night is made for drama, girl drama, and that ruined my trip to Safeway entirely. So, I made up my grocery shopping early Saturday morning. I then spent the entire day anxious for our game to start and trying to kill time until kickoff. I went on to cheer for the Gators as much as I could, resulting in my first cheering related injury. That’s right I managed to roll my ankle while cheering for a TD in the first half. Luckily, I got a lot of rest in the 2^nd half as there was nothing to cheer for. After the very disappointing loss EK and I headed out for more drinking to wash away our sorrows and to make my leg not hurt. Brilliant as that idea was I still had to ref two soccer games the next day and now my leg is absolutely killing me.

After getting home and lying in bed icing my ankle for the rest of the afternoon I was treated to an amazing roommate dinner. One of my lovely roommates is a fantastic cook and was cooking for a guy friend of hers that last minute could not make it. And as the backup plan one other roommate and I were treated to delicious chicken breaded in some sort of homemade combo created via food processor and some rice and cheese dish that was amazing. Then we followed it all up with a hazelnut chocolate mousse for dessert. My roommates are really growing on me.

Being back at work sucks after working from home on Friday, I considered calling in sick or trying to work from home again. In the end it was best to be here and show my face but I really get the exact same done at home, only I am more comfortable when I do it. One good thing to come of the day is remembering my dream last night which is very rare for me. It was one of those revealing dreams that point to some of those concerns that you have about things you are thinking about but never really think through. I was in Israel all by myself, randomly my cousin was there for a while, but she left the dream at some point and I was wandering around alone without the right money and without a strong handle on the language. I have looked up flights since then; all the dream did was remind me that I have very valid concerns and shouldn’t jump into anything. But at the same time it made me realize that fears aside I should find a way to explore the land to realize if my fears are worth overcoming. In the past I looked into programs over there and I think a good program with a set time table would be a good shot. I just need one that allows me enough freedom to be part of society and give me something to do while I am there. That or I could continue living in my dreams.

This is what we do now

2006-10-13T14:45:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the reply all button on gmail is the new gateway to the world. In college, the big thing was always instant messenger and while it still is a big part of my working day what really passes the time now is mass emails. Give us a topic or none at all and someone to make fun of and we will have 50 emails by COB. Nothing passes the time more than a long pointless email chain. For instance, today’s email is already at 26 replies as of 3:30 today. It started harmlessly as a suggestion of where to watch tomorrow nights football game and slowly became a battle to outwit the other contributors. Make a grammar mistake and prepare to be grilled, make a bad joke about another person on the list and prepare for retaliation. Also, allow yourself to indulge in self-deprecating humor, half the list is Jewish after all, but most of all plan to be entertained.

We will do anything to kill the time during the day, anything other than actually doing our work that is. When a client of mine calls me I get pissed that I actually have to speak to someone because they are interrupting my chain of thought for my next reply all. Those jerks. If you don’t have 10 – 15 friends that want to send emails back and forth all day about nothing here are some other things you might want to do to kill time.

Read Aaron Karo’s Ruminations

Plan your trip to one of the best haunted houses in America

Listen to music on Pandora.

Have a good weekend. Shabbat Shalom and Go Gators.

Shedding

2006-10-12T14:22:00.000-05:00

Actually I am peeling. In the years that I have been shaving my head I have always been very careful about using sunscreen since I got burnt the first weekend I shaved my head. That weekend I was on the beach in Tampa and didn’t know better. But last weekend when I was reffing soccer I should have known better. Instead I didn’t use sunscreen and now I am peeling and it’s gross.

Even though this sucks a bit and I look like I am dying it is as with so many other things in my life very timely. Yesterday pretty much just sucked, it was terrible, and came close to ruining my good mood. I had been angry about some things that happened that began around midday and lasted through the night. I was also not feeling well and in a bad mood but its getting better. I have been at my desk shedding most of the day and as the skin falls off my head I feel all the crap kind of floating away.

I got burned but I lived and I am moving on and just as the burnt skin falls off and gives way to new I too will be renewed and refreshed and will move on to something better with no scars to show for it but lessons learned.

Things I just don’t get

2006-10-10T15:35:00.000-05:00

Why people combine the fight chants or sayings of other schools with theirs. Recently I have seen the following:

Geaux Gators (used by LSU Geaux Tigers)

Roll Gators (used by Bama Roll Tide)

War Gators (used by Auburn War Eagle)

and today

Hook ‘em Gators (used by Texas Hook em Horns)

The first three are opponents of the Gators and used during that game week. But the Longhorns never play us and a Gator does not have horns to actually hook anything with. Furthermore, “Geaux” is incredibly gay and French and should not be used by anyone least of all fans of a football team, and definitely not by fans of a rival team. And I do not get Bama or Auburn at all, they are both from Alabama where sense is completely optional but seriously Roll Tide? What on earth does that mean? They are cheering a flash flood. This brings me back to Auburn who really needs to decide on a mascot, you can be an eagle or you can be a tiger, pick one and stick with it. Personally, I would go with the eagle since one of your biggest rivals is already a Tiger (see LSU). Plus you are using that stupid War Eagle chant and it’s in your commercials, so get rid of that Tiger mascot already.

That’s all for now, I am sure there will be more things I just don’t get but until then…

We Are… Florida (nope, that doesn’t work either, GO GATORS!!!)

Punk Rock Princess

2006-10-09T19:52:00.000-05:00

I’ve got nothing to say… and that’s a good thing. One of my very good friends who happens to be both lovely and talented and has an unnatural crush on Dirk Nowitzki was a little concerned with my demeanor on here. Well, it just so happens I use the blog to put out some things I don’t feel comfortable putting other places. I actually started writing about the past couple of days when I haven’t been writing but I got nothing good out of it. Thursday night TV was good, Shabbat was relaxing, Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas, being a referee again felt good in my head but not on my body and my day off today was pretty chill.

That’s it, I have nothing to complain about. Nothing to really rant on, no reason to bitch and moan over three or four paragraphs. Sure, I have my normal gripes, my Mom is still crazy but we had a good talk last night and I think she sees my point. My little sister seems to be moving in the right direction finally and my other sister is quiet, which is a very good thing. Work still sucks, I am still not sleeping without sleeping pills, and lately I have been staying up later than I used to thanks to someone’s influence on me. But, those conversations are sometimes the best part of my day. So, while life is certainly not perfect, not even close, I am actually pretty much enjoying myself. If only I could play guitar and be that garage band king.

I’m just not ready yet

2006-10-05T12:44:00.000-05:00

There are moments in your life that sometimes just catch you off guard. I find that these moments are usually things that you are capable of handling but just weren’t ready for. It’s like when a girl you really like tells you that she loves you but you just aren’t there yet and you don’t know how to respond. This morning on my drive to work something similar happened.

I was talking to my Mom, who is going in for a minor surgery tomorrow, when she dropped the bombshell on me. She went in to the hospital this morning for her pre-screening, blood work and to fill out the papers. And she just causally mentions that she put me down as emergency contact (this I can handle), but then she tells me that if anything happens I am the one who has to make the decisions of what happens to her. Even writing it gives me an anxious empty feeling in my stomach. I am not nervous about the surgery, it’s very minor and she will be in and out same day but I just realized that the decisions I may someday have to make are coming sooner than I could have ever wanted. Maybe no one is ever really ready for this but I know I am just not ready yet, not now.

She Knows

2006-10-05T09:41:00.000-05:00

Given that is October and Halloween is right around the corner I guess it is somewhat fitting that I am haunted. Not by your ordinary ghosts and ghouls but by a real live person that just doesn’t seem to go away. I honestly think she must be a psychic because over time she has constantly found a way to contact me at the moment just before her effect on me has totally worn off. I have spoken about her before, she is “that girl” the one who had we met at a different time or place in our lives things would have been different but that’s not the case. We were never friends and we will never be friends, so a year and a half ago as I sat in a hotel room in El Paso, TX I told her that it was best for us to just move on. Stop talking, stop pretending, stop holding each other back, I asked her to become a beautiful memory and for so long she complied. She was part of such a great time in my life and I want to remember her that way, not as part of the frustrating scenario it has become in recent years.

When I was sitting in that hotel room close to two years ago I came to a conclusion. Simply, our moment had passed, no matter what feelings might exist still there were just more factors to consider. We were perfect for each other at the time when we were together but at this time we just aren’t and we are fooling ourselves if we think we can recreate what we had. So, I told her I would always love her and that I didn’t know how to be her friend and I walked away and she walked away. For a long time I still thought about her. I thought about her often actually, for years I thought about her on a daily basis, then slowly it became once every few days, then once a week, then perhaps once a month before it finally took some external event to bring her memory back. Sure the memory still popped up but it was so dull and seldom that it had little hold over me. I am at a point where I am looking forward and no longer do I see her in my plans, she had become a beautiful memory. And then she decided that she “just wanted to say hello”.

As happy as I am to have heard she was doing well I really do not need the inner turmoil that she causes me anymore. It’s such a fine line with her and when our conversation ended and she said it would be nice to say hello again sometime I was not sure how to respond. I don’t need this right now; I don’t need it at all. I don’t have her number and do not have the desire to contact her but should she “say hello” again I think I will just ask her what has changed in the year and a half since we had last spoke that makes her feel its better to be part of my present and not just a beautiful memory.

You know this is why I think I prefer ghosts to girls.

I was supposed to be out of town this weekend

2006-10-04T11:57:00.000-05:00

But money and fatigue have finally caught up to me. September was everything I had hoped it would be. 4 great weeks that almost became 5 with another trip to NYC for a long weekend. Instead I will be spending this weekend relaxing and reffing soccer in the district. But, I would like to look back on the September that was.

It all started with a Labor Day excursion in New York that was everything I could have asked for to start my month. I saw a ton of good friends, caught a gator game at the Gin Mill and fell in the love with the city again. After that weekend I came back to DC with a new look on life and some great new friends.

The very next weekend we caught the Gator game at the new DC Gator Bar and again enjoyed some great company. With out of town guests and plenty of friends around us we turned an afternoon game into a late night. It was pretty chill compared to the rest of the month.

After a weekend at home I took the next Friday off of work and headed down to Knoxville, TN. I spent that weekend in an RV just off the University of Tennessee campus. We partied on Friday night and bbq’ed on Saturday then watched the Gators beat the Vols in a close one at night. I returned home that Sunday and rested up for the next weekend.

Before I could blink my eyes friends were heading into town. I was at the airport Thursday afternoon to pick up JB before we went to a Grey’s Anatomy premier party. On Friday I worked from my couch all day and then headed out to Georgetown for a little while to meet up with another friend who had just arrived in town. And then Saturday we spent the entire day at the Virgin Mobile Festival. It was an amazing day of music and fun and crappy food. We then headed home, ate taco bell and passed out before a relaxing Sunday that included dinner with my best friends at Hooters.

Again I spent the week recovering and working a lot before enjoying an amazing Alabama-Florida bbq at the Rettew’s house. The food was great, I had two of everything and my bbq sauce has increased its fan base. It has also gained calls for my mom to visit me so she can cook for everyone. And since she has not visited a single time in the 2.5 years I have lived here she is way overdue.

The month ended with Yom Kippur fast turning the calendar to October. That was the month that was, this month is much less exciting but will still feature a lot of fun. I am hoping to have a visitor in town to go to the Haunted Forest with, we will catch some good football games on the weekends and possibly end the month in Jacksonville or at a Halloween party in Georgetown.

The weekend and Yom Kippur

2006-10-03T12:55:00.000-05:00

I wrote a rant that I decided not to post here. It was about work and it was extremely negative and angry. It is probably not best to air my grievances here but I will just say I am unhappy with certain decisions and people at work. The rest of the weekend was not so bad.

Once I finally got to the gameday bbq I had a great time. The food was delicious, the company entertaining and the game went the way of the good guys. My BBQ sauce was a hit and went very well with Courttew’s hamburgers (also known as meat flavored clouds). After eating 2 of everything they had to offer and drinking plenty of beer we went out to Murphy’s in Old Town Alexandria for a few more drinks. But, given the long day we didn’t stay very long. Sunday I tried to get into a normal weekend mode and went to the gym. I also ate a lot and helped my roommate go car shopping. The rest of the day I relaxed and settled into the Yom Kippur fast around 6:30.

Fasting was easy again. I may be in the minority here but I don’t find it all that difficult and given that I normally eat six times a day that is probably a bit unlikely. Still, since I have started fasting once a year it gets progressively easier and I always feel good about doing it. Some people might find that strange and not understand why I do it at all, especially given my stance against synagogue on High Holidays. I don’t really know how to label myself, most of my friends would call me religious because I light candles on Shabbat and occasionally attend services and Fast on Yom Kippur. But, if you compare me to someone who is religious I don’t think I come close. I live in an odd grey area in between being religious and secular where I believe in the traditions but I am not sure whether I do them because I believe or because I want to feel connected to my history. I certainly have my doubts with it all and yet I feel compelled to follow it anyway. Not out of fear but out of love. Following the traditions of my grandparents and reliving the events that brought my family together so many times feels right to me. I don’t know if I am religious or not but I fondly remember Shabbat meals at my grandparents or friends houses and hope someday to have that with my own family.

More TV Shows

2006-09-29T13:34:00.000-05:00

I caught up on three more season premiers this week. Smallville last night on the CW, One Tree Hill also on the CW and I watched Veronica Mars a week early thanks to msn.com. It was good to catch the first episode of VM a week early because I am greedy and can use more Kristen Bell in my life. For a season premier I found it slow, but it did end on a high note and presented some great moments. Since it hasn’t aired yet and I don’t want to give too much away I will just say I liked it and of course will keep watching. I will even watch this episode again when it is on in HD. Later on Wednesday I caught another episode of Bones before flipping the channel and finding out what happened in the Limo crash on One Tree Hill. This is easily the most ridiculous show on television, if Degrassi goes there, then OTH goes therer or even therest. Let’s go over this real quick, the characters are 17 and in High School, and the storylines include a marriage, a school shooting, a pregnancy, a girl who lost both her birth mother and adopted mother to cancer, murder, suicide, and they even manage a ghost. I should be hit in the face for liking this show and yet they redeem all these ridiculous storylines with some great literary quotes and by trying to make it seem like the audience actually knew people like this in high school. Not exactly, but I will keep watching anyway, it’s a freaking train wreck and I can’t help myself. Then last night before the second episode of Grey’s I watched the biggest premier of the TV season Smallville. As always they did a fantastic job, Smallville’s cliffhangers are some of the best in the business and they wrapped up this one in a great fashion. Clark is trapped in the Phantom Zone, Zod is free on Earth and the world is being destroyed. It takes about 45 minutes before Clark gets back to Earth after being saved by one of his fathers former assistants, and once he does he is able to outsmart the General and save the world. After taking up most of the episode wrapping up where they left us at the end of last season they successfully prepare us for another great season of more growth for Clark Kent. The old spot that was once reserved for the Lana/Clark conversation at the end of the show gave us a very moving conversation about Heroes and destiny between Clark and Martha. The show also gave us glimpses of a relationship between Chloe and Jimmy Olsen as well as an awkward foreshadowing moment between Lois and Clark (doesn’t that sound great?) and showed some other possible story lines. The only disappointment would be the previews for next week. I can not stand how Smallville will follow up a great episode with one of seemingly nothing more than filler.

Only two shows left to premier on my list. But so far most are holding strong and my DVR is filling up. 6 Degrees got the axe last night as I took Lunesta instead of watching that garbage. Here is to a great rest of the season. I may even give Lost another shot but that’s a long shot.

Have a great weekend. Shabbat Shalom. Happy New Fiscal Year. Go Gators!!!! Roll Tide !!!

Another reason I love Israel

2006-09-28T09:17:00.000-05:00

Reading an article in the JPost about a shooting at Dawson University in Montreal I read this:

Later in the week, I was buying groceries on French Hill. The front pages of the Israeli newspapers showed Montreal students with their hands up in the air running through the same streets I've run through so many times, only for different reasons.

"It's terrible," a woman in line said next to me.

"That's my school," I responded in Hebrew. "I just finished last year. My friends are still there."

Without warning the elderly Israeli woman hugged me. She gave me her number and invited me for Shabbat dinner with her family.

Things like this may happen in other countries but I never read about them.

The TV season so far

2006-09-26T13:31:00.000-05:00

We are about halfway through the fall premiers and here is my take on the shows I have watched so far.

Family Guy – As ridiculous and as good as ever. Between this, Sunday night football and Adult Swim my night is set.

Heroes – I watched this last night and I am not entirely sold, it felt a lot like ABCs 6 degrees with super powers. I am gonna hold on this one and watch it again next week before I decide if I will care to keep watching.

Studio 60 – Loved the first episode, was lukewarm about the second. I will watch again but if I don’t really enjoy the third episode I will say goodbye to it.

House – Huge fan of this show and although the stories so far have not been anything new really I still love the show and watch every week. The high school stalker story is interesting and Cameron is hot.

Standoff – watched the first one because it was on after House but turned the second one off so I think I have passed on that show. It’s too bad because I really like the Office Space guy.

Bones – Another show I picked up last season that so far has been pretty good but not spectacular. If I somehow had a conflict with another show I might give it up but since I don’t see any right now I will keep watching.

Justice – Watched one episode for Nikki Reed and will not watch again. This show sucked sucked sucked sucked.

Grey’s Anatomy – I have watched since the beginning and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. The first episode was a great way to start the season, I was glad they picked up right where they left off and I can not wait to see what happens next. Have I mentioned how cool Alex is to anyone yet? Thought so.

6 Degrees – I give this show an eh. There was a lot going on so caring about all the characters was hard and for some reason the Erika Christensen/Julia Stiles girl freaks me out. Anyway I might watch it again since its on right after Grey’s but its more likely that I change the channel and put on cartoons.

Numb3rs – I like the show, I really do but the season premier was boring and since it’s on Friday nights it is an automatic DVR which means I have to find time to watch it and that might not make its spot in my rotation safe. We will see though, the first episode was a “to be continued…”

Still looking forward to the premiers of:

One Tree Hill – sue me, I like it. It’s my moms fault.

Smallville – 6 years running the best show on TV.

Veronica Mars – hopefully this show will benefit being on after Gilmore Girls because it is a great show that no one seems to be watching.

Las Vegas – One of the most ridiculous shows on television but it is so entertaining.

The OC – Its Mintcents fault for making me watch the DVDs and although last season sucked I am nervously waiting to see what they are going to do. Marissa being gone is great but the addition of Caitlin might be a bit much for me. This show could get the axe early if it isn’t impressive since Thursday is already packed.

All these long posts

2006-09-26T07:37:00.000-05:00

Here is a short one. Don’t worry I am pretty sure a long one will follow this as I have something tossing around my mind right now. But in the meantime here are a few things I feel like saying.

- For a guy with a blog I can be an extremely private person. I know that doesn’t seem to make much sense but I really am and I don’t like my private life being spoken about amongst my friends. Maybe its not privacy as much as the desire to control the conversation and when people are discussing my life without me I feel like I have no control.

- I have had it with tuna fish so I am taking a break from it. My diet is pretty boring to say the least, almost the same everyday because it’s the only way I know how to stay healthy and enjoy the food. So, I eat a lot of tuna but no more, I have switched from chunk light (too watery) to chunk white (too dry) and to be honest once you start choking it down you need to take a break. I guess I need to find something else to bring to work for one of my 3 meals. Turkey however is still holding strong in the rotation going on 20+ years.

- The Twins clinched the playoffs last night. I am so very excited for this, I love baseball, I love the Twins and if it weren’t for them making the playoffs I would hardly get to enjoy them. It does also mean that once September ends I wont be able to have a restful October like I was hoping for.

Virgin festival

2006-09-25T09:36:00.000-05:00

Finding words to describe this show seems silly and forced. The fact is the entire day, the whole experience was far beyond words but I am going to try anyway. Virgin festival was an overwhelming experience for any music lover and I somehow managed to maximize 10 + hours of music with good friends who just added to the experience. I could have watched this show on my own and had a great time so having two great people come visit for the show was icing on a very sweet cake.

The celebration and anticipation of Virgin festival actually began Thursday night when JB got into town. She flew down from Boston on what might be the coolest last minute plans I have ever been a part of after she decided on Tuesday that coming in on Thursday night was a good idea. We had dinner with friends that night and then I got to work from home Friday, which must have been boring for her but at least I could work from the couch and have some good company while I did it. On Friday my buddy who was driving to the show came by to pick up beer and coolers for the next day and we got to discuss our concert lineups. It was just another example of how pumped we all were for the next day. Later that night JB and I decided even though we had an early morning we should take advantage of DC and headed out to Georgetown, where we would meet up with my other friend Greav who was also coming into town just for the show. Ultimately, Friday was an early night but sleeping was so hard to do with such a huge day in front of us.

Then the concert day finally came. I began waking everyone up a little bit after 7 am, I had coffee while they got ready and we were out the door by 8:15 am. From my place we drove to the Greenbelt metro station where we were meeting a van and about 6 other people. As we waited for some of the stragglers to get there it seemed like a good idea to have a few beers right there in the metro parking lot. And if there is a telltale sign of a good day, beers in the metro parking lot at 9 am is it. We had two beers before we got to our VIP parking and then we opened up for real. From the time we got there at 10 am, until we went in to the show we were chugging beers and eating party mix, discussing music and anything else that came to mind. Shotgunning the four or so cans of beer that we had was probably a bad idea as I was wasted when we walked through the gates but I was seriously ready to go.

When we walked in the two stages and the dance tent were all ready up and running. We heard Kasabian blasting from the main stage, walked by the Drive-by Truckers who were already jamming out and made our way to RJD2 in the dance tent. Walking into the tent Pimlico still smelled like race horse but as the show went on and RJ picked up the pace and increased the volume this little tent got hot and mixed with smoke and beer and sweat it began to feel and smell like a concert. RJ was amazing once he got going, he definitely gained a few fans that day and it was the perfect way to get pumped up for the rest of the show. From there we walked out of the tent over to the second stage to catch the New Pornographers who I honestly barely remember but I enjoyed. We bought $8 beers, at least they were 24 ounces, and headed over to the main stage to catch the Raconteurs. Jack White’s side band was pretty impressive, I only knew one or two of their songs but they put on a good show. Sometime after that we sat down, ate and drank and relaxed a little bit as we heard music blaring from both stages in the distance. We missed Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and only heard some of Gnarles Barkley. We caught a couple Killers songs and checked out the Brazilian Girls, who had an awesome sound and the sexiest lead singer to ever wear a white facemask. I have no idea what she looked like at all but it was so odd and intriguing that I couldn’t stop watching, plus her accented voice made the music sound pretty incredible. After the Brazilian Girls we had more beers and more food and took in The Thievery Corporation. Thievery was amazing, they were the most diverse group of the day and I can not even begin to describe what their style of music actually is. They must have had 7 different singers leading on songs and a belly dancer. Not to mention that there two closing numbers were the most energetic and amped the crowd had been to that point during the day. From there we decided it was time to catch the main acts. I was sorry to miss the Flaming Lips and not catch John Digweed but when was I going to get another chance to see the Who?

With the sun going down and the day starting to wear on us we used the Who show to gain a second wind and relaxe while watching one of the greatest bands ever. We didn’t fight the crowd, instead we just got close enough to hear the music in a comfortable area where we could sit or stand and enjoy the crowd around us. The Who had some loyal fans there and when I watched some of these guys in their 50s stumbling around and dancing like fools I got this odd feeling that someday that could be me. There were entire families watching this show together and I found that to be so cool. The Who rocked, they were fantastic, I wasn’t really sure what to expect, I have seen the Stones, Aerosmith, Dylan and many others but you never know what you are gonna get out of these aging rockers. Well, they still clearly kick ass and it seemed like they truly enjoyed being on that stage, it was special and I was happy to be part of it. And then the Red Hot Chili Peppers tore the place down.

For RHCP we got as close as we could, even at night in that thick crowd of people it was extremely hot. We waited until about 9 pm for their set to begin and from the beginning there was so much energy and enthusiasm you could not help but move. Everything about it was amazing, the crowd, the energy, and the musicians. At times the words seemed unnecessary; at others they seemed to flow perfectly into the sounds from the bass guitar. Every song sounded as good or better than I ever remembered and getting to enjoy them while others crowd surfed or moshed in front of me was truly an experience I will never forget. Singing along with thousands of people to their hits was one of those unique moments that you can hardly find anywhere else. When they closed their set with an encore that began with a cover of Tiny Dancer I was completely exhausted and moving on the sheer adrenaline the show provided me alone. I don’t think there is much more I can say, there was not a single part of the day that I did not enjoy, it was simply the perfect blending of music, friends and alcohol that you can only find at a show like this. So I guess the only thing left is who wants to go to Bonnaroo next summer?

Next year in Jerusalem

2006-09-22T10:55:00.000-05:00

It’s that time of year again. The high holidays, when most reform Jews go to synagogue for the first and last time of the year. Not me, I don’t go on the high holidays, too big of a circus, I do go other times throughout the year instead so I am not so bad. But as we approach another Rosh Hashanah, my third in Washington DC, I feel the need like so many other bloggers, to reflect on this last year and look forward to my next one.

I have had some ups and downs since this time last year, I have changed a lot and not at all. I have met new friends and become better friends with old ones. I have lost some friends too, but that is part of growing up. My requirements for the people I bring into my life have changed dramatically, I am looking deeper into the soul of the people I meet, not just the stuff they show the world but getting to the heart of the person. This includes a reevaluation of many of my friendships and how close or how far away I should keep them.

In this past year I have lost my grandma but gained a baby cousin and began to rekindle a relationship with my middle sister. Throughout this year I watched my baby sister graduate from college and have since been trying to help her figure out her life. I helped my mom cope with the loss of her mother three years after she lost her father. Again at the funeral I did not cry but I do miss them both dearly and I hope that my life this year and in all the ones that follow will honor them as they deserve. I have become closer with my cousins and have made it a point to keep in contact more. Spending time with my extended family this year has shown that although we have our problems loving and caring about each other is not one of them.

My job still sucks and has pretty much all year but the experience may very well lead me to something bigger. That is all anyone can hope anyway, I hope that this year has taught me things about where I want to go in life and where I want to be. DC has treated me well, but ultimately it does not feel like home. This year my group of friends in DC gained Mike and Courtney and EK and DC has been that much better because of them and a little bit harder to leave. This year I found new roommates with an open ended lease; they are nice people but will be much easier to leave than my last roommates. This year I have often thought about Israel and questioned why I am not there and I hope to answer those questions in the year ahead. I have closed the year that was on a whirlwind of excitement filled with trips and sporting events, concerts, dinners and new friends. It has been a good year, one I can look back on favorably now that all is said and done. But I look forward to next year where hopefully I will be able to say this year in Jerusalem for the first time.

Tennessee Weekend part 3: The Game

2006-09-21T11:44:00.000-05:00

This weekend was too much fun and too much info to throw into one post so this will be a three part series discussing taking a roadie by yourself, RV life and of course the amazing football game.

Neyland stadium is huge. That is the first impression you get from outside the stadium, the second is usually wow that orange is hideous. I have heard many people complain about how difficult it was to find the seats and sections but we had no problems at all. Our seats were in section A about 20 rows up, with a pretty good view although we were very close to one endzone and had trouble seeing plays at the other end of the field. This being a college game we turned our 4 seats into 8 by sneaking in two friends and two random girls my cousin met outside. The girls hilariously bribed a cop to let them into the stadium; they had no tickets at all. Somehow I doubt I would have that kind of luck with the Knoxville PD. Anyway, the game kicks off and everything goes great, first play we pick off the pass, our section goes nuts. But the old guys in front of us were not feeling it at all. I kind of felt bad for them, having us standing on their seats and bumping into them but I paid $100 for that ticket and I was going to enjoy every second of it. The game itself was extremely intense, at times frustrating and also so great to be a part of. I find it silly that people’s moods are so affected by the play of 18-22 year old boys in a game that most of us played ourselves but I can’t help but be one of those people. When we lose I am upset and when we win I am overjoyed, I don’t apologize for it but I realize I take it a little too seriously at times, which makes me fear for those much worse than I. Fan is short for fanatic after all. But on that night none of it really mattered, we were on the joyful end of fandom after a 1 point victory over one of our bitter rivals in their stadium. Most of my friends took over the strip but I just went back to my RV, had some beers and reveled in the moment with the other people in our lot.

Tennessee weekend part 2: RV life in Knoxville, TN

2006-09-19T14:03:00.000-05:00

This weekend was too much fun and too much info to throw into one post so this will be a three part series discussing taking a roadie by yourself, RV life and of course the amazing football game.

In my eagerness to get to Knoxville on Friday morning I did a horrible job of coordinating my arrival time with the arrival of my accommodations. My cousin and his RV did not leave Atlanta until around noon when they would have about a 4 hour trip, the trip ended up taking them 5 hours do to a few snags with the big girl but they eventually did make it. I on the other hand arrived in Knoxville at 3 pm with nothing to do. Arriving two hours early did provide me with some much needed time to stretch and find my away around the campus and check out the scene a little bit. I began by driving around looking for the parking lot that our RV would be calling home for the weekend. Unfortunately, I am really good at finding things and this only took about ten minutes. So, with about two hours still left to kill I drove back over to Cumberland St. where all the bars are supposed to be and decided to walk around, maybe have a beer or something. After finding parking by the hospital a couple blocks up I get out the car and start walking around, but I find nothing but empty or closed bars. It was disappointing, on a Friday afternoon in Gainesville you can walk up and down University Ave and find good crowds of people sitting on lawns, drinking beer and listening to live music, I found none of this. It was certainly disappointing but I was tired anyway and decided to just go wait in the car and call my sister until my cousin called me. He finally did that around 5 and I headed over to the RV lot, where I actually had to give them directions since they had no idea where they were going.

No longer alone it was time to get the weekend started, we got the RV parked, opened up the slides and I had my first Jack and Coke. At this point it was about 5 pm, the sun was still high enough to get some things done and we spent the next couple of hours getting to know our neighbors and setting up the Directv. All the while we were drinking of course. We were in an RV lot full of pros, people who go to every away game and all but one of them were extraordinarily helpful. They helped us with our water pump, with our satellite dish, with selecting a parking spot and gave us tips on saving water and not running the generator at night. The whole thing made me feel like I was at the redneck version of a Phish concert, we were all there for the same reason and our one unique commonality was all that we needed to be in this whole thing together. Once the RV was settled in, the tv was on and we had a sufficient buzz we all began to get ready for a night out in Knoxville. I probably should have showered but it was a hassle so I threw on some deodorant and cologne and we headed over to Calhoun’s for some BBQ. This place was crazy packed and had a 2 hour wait, so what do we do? We pay the waiter 40 bucks and sit right down. It was perfect. The food was amazing and the beers were good, plus we got a great view of one spectacular mullet. After dinner we were greeted to a swarm of Florida fans singing songs and taunting every Tennessee fan brave enough to come out on Friday before we grabbed a cab and headed back to Cumberland St. This time there were plenty of people out but my cousin and the guys he came with were not feeling it so they left me to some other friends on the strip. They headed back to the RV to drink and smoke and hang out with the other RV folks. I stayed out, went in to no less than 4 bars, bumped into people whose names I can’t remember and talked a good amount of shit with a friendly Volunteer fan. My first night in Knoxville ended with a falafel and a long walk home.

My second day started early as I am a notoriously early riser, even after a late night. What can I say? I was excited as heck to start the day. First stop breakfast buffet and coffee (a must for me). Following that we made a food run, which was one of the best shopping sessions I have ever been a part of. Approximately $200 later we were armed with an Aussie walkabout grill and enough food to feed ourselves lunch and dinner. And feed ourselves we did, burgers and dogs and brats and beers and whiskey, tequila shots and Gatorade (gotta hydrate). We spent the entire day in the lot, cooking and watching games on tv, drinking and talking, the weather was fantastic and the environment was perfect, it was what game day was meant to be. After the great group of 3:30 games came to an end and the bottle of Jack was no more we headed out for the shuttles and for Neyland stadium. Gator shirts on, beers in our pockets we were ready for 106,000 rowdy Tennessee fans and ready for a great game.

Tennessee weekend part 1: The Drive

2006-09-18T12:01:00.000-05:00

This weekend was too much fun and too much info to throw into one post so this will be a three part series discussing taking a roadie by yourself, RV life and of course the amazing football game.

I have often said that driving is one of the pleasures that I value most about American life. The freedom of being able to explore this huge country of ours is often overlooked but to me it is easily one of the greatest things about this country. My drive to Tennessee was not as eventful as some of my others since Virginia took up 95% of the drive but it was still enjoyable and not terribly long.

On Friday I left incredibly early after dropping off a friend at the airport. The actual plan was to drop off and go back home to sleep for a few more hours but at 5:30 am with my car already packed I was too excited to go back home, so I just kept going instead of backtracking. The most difficult part was that the caffeine addict that I am did not have time to make his standard three cups before leaving so I was driving impaired essentially. After about an hour or so on the road I found the haven of all road trips, Cracker Barrel. As a pro road tripper I made sure to stop and enjoy a breakfast by myself as one of the first and only people in the joint. I had the sunrise sampler and plenty of coffee, took my vitamins and got back on the road. A few hours later I stopped for coffee and took a nap. Yes I napped in the car at a gas station, I was tired, it was only about 8 am and I had been awake for 3.5 hours. But the 20 minute snooze really helped, as did the dunkin coffee that I picked up. When I drive I have a little rule that every stop must accomplish at least two things. You can not just stop to go the bathroom, you have to go to the bathroom and get coffee or food or gas, something, but if you have to go to the bathroom and don’t need anything else you have to keep going. Later on in this trip I made a 3 part stop, cash, restroom and food, that made me happy. But for the most part the drive was uneventful, it was peaceful, I listened to a lot of music, hit little traffic and got to enjoy some great time alone.

And for me there isn’t a better way to travel, I do love interacting with people but I also have a huge loner streak inside me. I like hitting the road by myself, singing along to songs on old CDs and being free of outside influence. It gives me much needed time to think and reflect. Oddly it’s alone on long drives in my car where I mourn the loss of my grandparents, where I remember them fondly and I take time to think about so many other people who have come in and out of my life and how they have left their mark on me. Most people would dread the 10 hours in the car that it took me to get to Knoxville and they would hate the 8 hours it took me to get home but I loved it. Just as the ride down was filled with excitement of the coming weekend, the ride home was a breeze after what was a perfect weekend.

Good Ole Rocky Top...

2006-09-14T16:10:00.000-05:00

Fuck you Tennessee.

Rocky top, you’ll always be
Second in the SEC.
Good ole rocky top,
Fuck you Tennessee, Fuck you Tennessee.

I am gonna be out of town again this weekend. September is killing my soul, hurting my wallet and leaving me with fleeting memories and too many pictures. So, where am I going this time? I am heading back into the heart of SEC country to see the Mighty Gators take on the pathetic little Vols in Neyland Stadium. The place seats 105,000 with their creamsicle orange and white checkerboard endzone design. I am very pleased to announce that I have my tickets and will be sitting near that endzone, where I expect to see many Gator touchdowns. In truth I am not really sure what to expect from my team just yet. I have watched the first two games and came away impressed but apprehensive about the performance. I also caught some of the Vols games and I am not sure what to think about them either. In their first game they looked like world beaters, in their second they looked like crap. And then there is of course my dreaded experience at Alabama last year. The fans were great but the game was horrible, if the game turns out bad for the good guys this year I am not sure the Vol fans will be able to redeem their town the way the Bammers did. Plus, I hear Knoxville is just a big pit, a dump, why would anyone want to go there unless their team was playing?

But that is it really, we follow our teams and we live and die with every game. It’s the SEC, its Fall and its football season. I think only someone from down there understands, (Courttew, EK, Lithium, Mikey Marriage, Nicole, you know what I am talking about) the rest don’t get it. They schedule weddings on important games and expect you to work on a Saturday in September; they have no idea about the pageantry and excitement. They have no idea that the fans have game day rituals or uniforms that they wear every week (I wear the same shirt every week until we lose). They didn’t survive the Beam team or learn how to sneak a flask into the stadium in college. They never had to pass back student IDs or double up tickets to get their friends into their block. They don’t know what its like at an SEC tailgate where the grill gets rolled in on a trailer and the whole day is planned out with breakfast, bloody mary’s and a lunch buffet that only a southerner could be proud of. They don’t eat pub subs or make fun of Phat Phil and they just don’t get that there simply isn’t a better place in the world than an SEC stadium on a Saturday in the Fall (although UK and VU are questionable).

I am nervous and excited and I cant wait until 8 pm Saturday night when the Gators and the Vols kickoff and start the SEC season right. My early prediction is that Percy Harvin lives up to the hype and Jarvis Moss has a breakout game. Gators win, Leaf gets drunk.

GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!

Sweater weather

2006-09-13T16:18:00.000-05:00

Along with all the other things I love about September, the month that might kill me, the football, the television and the ability to sleep with the windows open I also like the clothes. Today there was a high of 70 degrees which for me is low enough to wear a sweater to work. I only like this weather right up until you have to start putting jackets on top of the sweaters, when that happens I cry myself to sleep at night longing for Spring but until then I love it. And it may just be that I am a crazy kid from Florida making up for lost time or that I am a Midwestern boy at heart but I think the girls look better too.

Yes, I said it, I prefer my girls in sweaters to the lovely skimpy summer fare. I don’t remember when it started or how but I have always found a girl who can put herself together in a sweater to be amazing. I did also go through a phase where I thought girls in overalls were the hottest thing ever, so take this with a grain of salt. But, still if you are a female who can make yourself look hot in more clothes than less you really have something going. Throw on some glasses with short hair and you might be golden, with me at least.

Skol Vikings – Monday Night Football

2006-09-12T12:09:00.000-05:00

My favorite month of the year is turning into a devastating spiral of over indulgence that might end up shaving years off my life. The nonstop insanity continues this week with the Monday night opener at FedEx Field. After a weekend that left me exhausted right up until the moment I left work at noon on Monday I really had no idea how I would be able to pull it together and get up for the game. Thankfully, my friend Miller Lite decided he would help me out. That, some potato chips and a 9 dollar sandwich did the trick. I threw in some gumbo from a Cajun Viking fan and got a good laugh out of the crack jokes thrown at Michael Irvin. And it all added up to one wasted Leaf who got to watch a Vikings victory in a big stadium. We didn’t get any pics inside the stadium because we spent most of the game restraining ourselves from hurting annoying Redskins fans. One even had the nerve to talk shit about the Minnesota State Fair. Talk shit about anything you want but you do not mess with the fair or Como Zoo for that matter. In the end we won, I went home happy and was somehow still smart enough not to fight any of the moron Redskins fans who most likely represent the worst DC has to offer. Below are some pictures and a final thought from the game. I was actually a little bit hard on myself yesterday when I spoke about the missed opportunities following 9/11, I am not really heartless, just disappointed, last night during half time I definitely got a little choked up watching 90,000 people wave the American flag and sing “I’m Proud to be an American” and then joined in with a member of FDNY as we sang God Bless America. Redskins’ fans still suck but that was a nice a moment shared between complete strangers. Winning team fans after the game.
Michael Irvin likes crack, loves Dallas and is universally hated in DC.
Lefty QBs are better than right handed ones.
Boomer thinks we all needed to drink more, he was so wrong.

SKOL VIKINGS, LET'S WIN THIS GAME!
SKOL VIKING, HONOR YOUR NAME!
GO GET THAT FIRST DOWN
THEN GET A TOUCHDOWN!
ROCK'EM...SOCK'EM...
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
GO VIKINGS, RUN OUT THE SCORE!
YOU'LL HEAR US YELL FOR MORE!
V - I - K - I - N - G - S
SKOL, VIKINGS, LET'S GO!

I am heartless

2006-09-10T19:47:00.000-05:00

I am sorry. I don’t know how else to say it but tomorrow is the 5^th anniversary of 9/11 and I could not care less.

Just about everyone is writing something about it and I have nothing to say. Even worse I have no desire to read what they are writing. Yes, I remember that day well, I know people who had their lives forever changed when their fathers were lost in the WTC. I remember who told me what had happened as I was walking into class. I remember calling my friends in NY frantically to make sure they were ok and I remember calling my friend in DC whose father works at the Pentagon. I remember the way the town felt that day and I also remember saying that after 6 months no one would care anymore.

I was only half wrong. People do still care after 5 years but in reality very little has changed. All the goodwill is just about gone, the world is not on our side anymore and people in this country no longer are looking out for each other the way they did just following the events of 9/11. So, on the anniversary when we remember what happened and all the good things that came in the aftermath I ask now five years later what has really changed? Not a whole lot if you ask me.

What 9/11 really represents to me is of course a tragedy but it is also a missed opportunity. We as people missed the opportunity to truly be affected by something huge, something that could have made us a better society, a better people and truly be something worth representing to the world. Instead, we are the same bloated society with misplaced ideals and a lack of personal responsibility. We have been foolishly led into conflicts that do not make us safer; we continue to be more concerned with the price of gas and the status of homosexual couples than about caring for the young and the poor or doing something intelligent like securing our borders.

Tomorrow night I will be at FedEx field watching the Washington Redskins and the Minnesota Vikings in the Monday night opener. I will not be thinking much about what happened on this day 5 years ago. Because to me what is sadder than the loss of 3000 American lives is how poorly those people’s memories are being represented.

Happy almost Football Day

2006-09-08T16:49:00.000-05:00

2006-09-07T14:08:00.000-05:00

Ive nothing to write home about
Nothing I have figured out
Still I have the same old doubts
Nothing to write home about

So I will just put up some pics of my weekend in NY and let them tell the story.

Ending your Friday night at a Sake bar that you keep calling China is a good way to get killed. Sake as you all should know is Japanese and they dont like being disrespected.

This is the beginning of the Gator game, see how focused those eyes are, clearly not drunk enough.

I want that girls shirt.

Things have obviously gone down hill, I am wet, alone and cant keep my tongue in my own mouth.

Mexican hat dances are fun.

I am an artist, do you see the depth in this picture?

Uh, could you open your eyes please?

We like PBR but it is in someones way.

Does my friend look gay in this pic?

I love Leak too.

So much beer, so much fun. That's all.

Labor Day weekend (Why I need to move out of DC)

2006-09-05T13:59:00.000-05:00

I tried writing a whole recap of what I did this weekend in NYC but I can barely remember all the details and don’t think it really matters anyway. The trip was amazing in the way you begin to reevaluate your life on the way home. Don’t get me wrong I love my friends in DC and living out here is ok but I always have a great time in New York. Every time I go there I hang out with great people and always seem to meet new people. That is one thing that does not happen in DC; new people rarely enter into my group of friends here. I like that about my friends in NY; they have good taste in friends and always bring something new and interesting to the equation. I also like that bars are open late and the subway is always running. I can’t think of a bad thing to say about the whole experience, even the hangovers weren’t bad. And even though the guys I stayed with called me Grandpa (I am a whole two years older than them) and most of the people I know there are about that age it was refreshing to spend time with a new crowd and interact with new people while I also got to spend time with people I had not seen in years. On my drive home, which was much better than the drive up I gave serious thought to what I am doing in DC and why I am still here. After more than two years I haven’t fallen in love with a single thing about this place and I came to the conclusion that I have to leave this year before I get stuck here in a place I don’t love because it’s easy. I will most likely celebrate my 26^th birthday here later this year, but I will not celebrate my 27^th here. I may move to NY, I may move to Tel Aviv or LA, I am not set on a single idea but I do know that my experiences in DC must come to a close sooner rather than later so that I can experience more out of life. And I think that is what I appreciate most about this trip, I am just not ready to settle in somewhere and my friends helped me see that.

So thank you all, now I have a resume that needs an update. I will put up some pics from Friday and Saturday night later.

New York

2006-09-01T14:52:00.000-05:00

I am back in the Big Apple, bitches. Have not been here since February and I am very pumped to be back in the city. I normally love taking drives in the car and the 250 miles between DC and NY are no exception but the fucking traffic was horrible last night. I hit traffic on the beltway, caught mystery traffic in Delaware and was greeted by about 45 minutes in the toll line to the Holland tunnel before getting through the tunnel which only had one lane open. So, I got in really late, parked my car in a lot that I have no idea how much it costs but really didn’t care at 2 am. And I have been working from some buddies of mine place all day. Sometimes there is nothing better than working from home. It has also allowed me to enjoy taking a stroll in Union Square. This morning as I ran out to Starbucks (normally I would never do this but I have a caffeine habit to feed) someone not only looked me in the eye and smiled as they passed by, they said good morning. Have I mentioned how I love New York yet?

Lastly, staying at my friends converted loft I found one thing very different. There refrigerator looks a lot different than my suburban 40 hour a week fridge. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Have a great labor day weekend all. Go Gators!!!

Why don’t people look each other in the eye anymore?

2006-08-31T14:15:00.000-05:00

I doubt that this is very new but it has been bothering me lately. I don’t know what it is exactly; maybe I am the strange one for walking around with my head up, eyes forward, greeting passersby with a smile and an occasionally friendly nod. More and more people react to me by diverting their eyes, preferring to look left, right, up or down than interact with the stranger across from them. When this happens on a street I can let it go but lately it has been happening frequently at my job and at the gym, two places I would expect better decorum.

When I am at the gym I am pretty focused and intense, so conversation is out of the question but I can still offer a friendly smile to the person (especially pretty girls) next to me. The extent of my conversation at the gym usually involves whether or not someone is using something, that’s fine, I have my Ipod on and really don’t need to talk, however, I still like to acknowledge the people that I am sharing the room with. Most of us are there for the same reasons, we have things in common, how hard would it be to just smile or nod at the person next to you to let them know you are ok with their presence in this shared universe. Just last night I am walking over to the dip machine and this girl is looking at me as I walk up, now I do occasionally walk with my head down while I write things down and as soon as I look up I catch eyes for a brief second to have them turn away. I guess I am scary or something.

This phenomenon is even worse at work. I have been working on the same floor of the same building for months now and still people won’t even pretend to be nice to each other. Sure we work in a nameless, faceless, evil corporate structure but ask the guy walking past you how he is doing once in a while. This happens too me hundreds of times at work, since I drink way too much coffee and constantly take breaks I walk down the hall and always people look away. It really has to be me; the shaved head must scare people. I don’t know it just bothers me.

I know a guy who would say that this is all the fault of the baseball cap. At least between men, the women probably just don’t want to look me in the eye because I am grotesque and don’t realize it. But for the guys, it shows a certain lack of dignity, a lack of self pride that might be infecting this culture. More and more men really are not acting like men; they are acting like kids, wearing their backwards baseball caps well into middle age. Now, I won’t go so far as to say how you dress makes you this or that but the thought is there. I kind of miss the days when people used to dress better, even though my favorite outfit is a black fruit of the loom t-shirt and jeans. Maybe people don’t look each other in the eye anymore because there is a lack of confidence in society or maybe its something else entirely. I am not an expert in these things, I just call em like I see em and I don’t like what I see.

I’m overbooked, overly anxious and overwhelmed

2006-08-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

In more proof that life is full of ups and downs, feast and famines I submit this week to you. I am not a regular happy hour person, since I live and work in the burbs it’s a pain, yet somehow I have managed to schedule two for the same night. Which leads to me to one conclusion; I can’t go to either one. Instead I think I will go to the gym, pick up my dry cleaning and pack for NYC. Besides, I did happy hour last night and that is more than enough for one week.

In other news, can this week be any slower? Three more days til football and it is driving me insane, I need game day. I need to wake up on Saturday morning to the sounds of Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso, I need the pageantry, I need the rivalries, I need Matt Leinart’s baby mama (that doesn’t fit at all, does it?), Thursday night will just be a big tease, give me Saturday. I wonder if it is necessary for me to bring my game day mug to NY with me. I would hate to ruin my rituals and have it hurt the team, OK, I will pack it, the home game mug which is blue as opposed to the away game mug which is orange.

And I am also overwhelmed, mostly with this online world we live in. You know on top of this blog, my 3 email accounts, my google groups, instant messenger, google talk and sametime I also had a friendster account and a myspace page. On those last two I never did anything, I really just never got into it, sure I would sometimes look at my friends pages but I didn’t add any friends or even fill out my profile or anything. Recently, though my friends have all made their pages private so I figured what the hell I will give it a shot. I tried, I really did, but as I was sitting there filling out the stuff I realized I had no interest in this at all, so instead I deleted my accounts on myspace and friendster. If you want to contact me there are still a billion other ways. Sorry.

However, while I was filling out my profile which included a nice pic of Bob Dylan instead of me I did come across a lot of quotes I liked from him, here are some of them.

A poem is a naked person... Some people say that I am a poet.

All I can do is be me, whoever that is.

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.

All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.

Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot.

Democracy don't rule the world, You'd better get that in your head; This world is ruled by violence, But I guess that's better left unsaid.

I accept chaos, I'm not sure whether it accepts me.

I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.

I declare September my favorite month of the year

2006-08-28T14:52:00.000-05:00

I know it won’t start for a few more days but really, is there a better month than September? I say no. First off, it opens on a holiday, how many months can say that, a three day weekend right off the bat. Furthermore, it marks the return of college football and primetime television. Here is what my month looks like, I really can not think of a more jam packed month for me all year.

Sept. 1 – 4: I will be in NYC to visit friends, eat Chinese food, drink free wine and watch football at the Gin Mill. I will also maybe, possibly, get tickets to the Yankees game on Sunday.

Sept. 11: Monday Night Football – Vikings at Redskins. The Purple people eaters will take down the deadskins on primetime TV while I watch on in glee with a smile that only a man wearing a purple shirt could understand. This day begins with a half day of work, leads to a full on tailgate and ends the next morning in a horrible hangover.

Sept. 15 – 17: Knoxville, TN. What could be a more fitting way to follow up MNF? I can think of only one way to spend that weekend. Sleeping in a Winnebago during a road trip into the heart of the SEC to watch UF beat up on UT.

Sept. 21: Grey’s Anatomy premiere party hosted by Courttew and featuring the Super Burger Dog. This party will also feature both indoor and outdoor viewing for those who are pet handicapped.

Sept. 22 - 24: Greav is visiting because we are going to the Virgin Mobile fest at Pimlico featuring the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

And then the month comes to a close on Sept. 30^th when Alabama meets Florida in Gainesville, I had originally planned on being there in person but that has since changed due to many factors. Still, it will be celebrated appropriately with a BBQ and many delightful beverages as well some friendly banter between Bammers and Gators.

Unfortunately, it all leads into October, a month with very little value, its only holiday is pretty much worthless and the weather isn’t all that nice. October is not my friend and it looks so much worse next to the best month of the year, September.

A special post for my Friend

2006-08-27T19:19:00.000-05:00

I talk about my friends and family a lot because they mean a lot to me. One of my friends has recently given me an earful about not mentioning her enough. And to be fair she is right, I don’t say enough, but if all my friends read this thing they would probably feel the same way. Still, this blog has featured a pic of the lake outside her house, her dog as well as a pic that she was in with me in NYC last winter. So, in honor of her I dedicate this post. I apologize in advance if my memory is fuzzy, I drink a lot, have been hit in the head many times and I am sure those nights I spent in the ICU involved lack of oxygen to my brain.

I can’t say how many years we have been friends or when we first met, but I do remember you as far as back as 4^th or 5^th grade. We weren’t friends in elementary school, but I don’t think we were ever in class together (because you were a nerd) so that is to be expected. Then we moved on to middle school and while I remember you being there I also don’t think we were friends, certainly not close if at all. Did we even have the same teachers? I think you were friends with Greav in middle school but not me. So it must have been 9^th grade when we became friends but I don’t remember that particularly either, so maybe it was 10^th. My memory is really bad, but my first memory of being really good friends was at Stephanie’s sweet sixteen or whatever party in Davie but given the events of that night I am pretty sure there plenty of nights of good friendship before that. Some of those nights probably involved you, me and two Israelis hanging in out in someone’s driveway inhaling things. Others mostly involved beer and me occasionally banging on doors that you slipped into with the wrong people late at night. In 11^th grade I only remember a few things, one being that girl who played soccer and the odd scenario that went down with her and going to school in Israel so forgive me if I miss something, the good stuff didn’t really happen until college anyway. Senior year was another story altogether, mostly because all of the memories are the same. Gather everyone you know and get beer, whether it was a night at Feiler’s playing Beirut or sitting on my back porch drinking beers every night was basically the same. Throw in some stitches (mine) and a couple of pool parties and you have senior year. I even have a picture of you swimming with us at the pool that you now happen to live near. But, as close as we were and as many times as I can remember us hanging out in high school it still seems like we really became friends in college.

We walked away from high school and ran to college as quick as possible. I went early because I had to; you went because you wanted to. Even if you chose the wrong school we still stayed friend, actually became better friends. I will never forget when you came down for the Florida State game freshman year and you and Scott went robbing people’s tailgates while everyone else was at the game or the time when you almost fought that dumb bitch at the Rudolph’s house. Then there was the time that Mike and I stayed with you the next year and we watched the game at that bar in Tally, I am not sure what the name of it was but I remember not being very happy. That was of course followed by your presence at many of my fraternity parties; including the time my drunken little brother thought I was somehow hiding in a full bed with you. And the time we got so drunk the night before your homecoming game that we ended up sleeping through it. You also happened to not go out that night when I did, I think you just dropped me off somewhere. There were plenty more including that spring break we took together during our final spring, the one that you remember just a little more than I do because tequila is not my friend and a girl I met the first night made me want to forget I was ever there. And that pretty much sums it up.

Since college it has been easy to say that you have been my closest friend. Your house has become my second home, and sometimes my second office. You are one of the few people I call regularly, I put up with your horrible forwards and I have told you about this blog. Putting you in a very small category, since none of my brothers even know about it, actually one of them does but I didn’t tell him. So, from now on if I forget to mention you in a post that I should have remembered you please forgive me, my memory is bad and it is partly your fault, after all you were the one who thought that the two of us could finish a keg by ourselves. That turned out well, I think we should get together again for an all night drinking binge that ends in a parent cutting us off on their way to work. So until the next time we are together in Brooklyn or Tally, the Caribbean or just back in Plantation just know I might not remember everything but I haven’t exactly forgotten you.

My Grandparents

2006-08-25T15:35:00.000-05:00

This week has been a comedy of errors that hasn’t really allowed me to get to writing something about my Grandparents. And now that it is a really slow day at work I still am not sure what to write. Something that the Rabbi said at the funeral has stuck with me though as I look through photos and that is how important the future was to my Grandparents. There past was ripped from them, so rebuilding and creating a family became very important and remained that way for their whole lives. Even on some of my latest visits when my Grandmas health was clearly fading she would ask if I had enough money to take girls on dates. She was hilarious like that. They were both hilarious in there own ways, although it was hard to see there humor from outside. After all they didn’t tell jokes; it was more just how they were. I doubt many people would describe them as funny but I remember countless times laughing in their presence.

One thing everyone will say is that they were both beautiful. They met in a DP camp in Germany and as the story goes my Grandpa was the stud of the camp, a sometime professional soccer player who never much cared for shirts, and he took a liking to my blonde haired green eyed Grandma. When my Grandma introduced my Grandpa to her sister she supposedly broke the pencil that was in her hand. I just heard that story for the first time last week; I wish I had heard more. I know they both have interviews on tape for a Stephen Spielberg project that I don’t think ever happened; I will have to get a hand on those. And while I don’t know as much as I like about my grandparents I do know they have left quite a legacy, something that I think they are proud of.

My family is extremely large, my Grandma had 3 sisters and a brother, and they have spawned a family that is in the 100s now. Of that family we are considered the good looking ones. Not that the others aren’t but we are a very good looking family. But more than that we are close and we are growing once again. We are friends, we occasionally take vacations together, we do things together, and we take part in each others lives. And now that our cousins are having kids and we have more cousins we get to watch them grow up and continue on a great legacy. A legacy that I think my Grandparents can look down on in pride.

“It’s not the technology that’s scary. It’s what it does to the relationships between people.”

2006-08-24T13:18:00.000-05:00

After what was a very long week in Minnesota I returned to VA feeling just a bit tired. When Monday morning rolled around and I wasn’t feeling 100% I didn’t think too much of it, but by the end of the day I knew I was getting sick. I am still fighting whatever it is I caught today and I may just make it a long weekend in bed with Nyquil until this clears up. I skipped the last two days of work and even managed to lose my computer for the last day and a half. And here is where I get to the weird title of my little story. I have been sick and therefore in bed, usually with my laptop since I am attached to the thing. But sometime Tuesday afternoon an entire cup of water decided the solo cup it was in was not good enough and proceeded to fill up my little laptop with about 12 oz. of water. The computer immediately shut off and I was without a computer until around 10 am this morning. Thankfully, it was a work computer and replaced for free.

And now the quote, it’s from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and I read it this morning while getting ready for work. It got me thinking about how different things must be now than they were just ten years ago. And not just the way I reacted to losing my computer for two days but also the way people knew something was wrong when I didn’t sign onto instant messenger for a week. Despite the fact that I rant about my life on a blog I don’t like to talk about my personal life one on one a lot and so I just kind of left last week without informing a lot of people of why I was going or how long I would be gone. When people realized they had not chatted with me in a few days they didn’t call, they texted. I find this all very funny, because while I enjoy the amount of connections technology has given us; I miss my friends’ voices at times, even if I simulate them when reading what they write. I have friends now that I almost exclusively talk to online and others that almost exclusively text, but very few that I call on a regular basis. I call my mom and my sister, one of my best friends and one buddy to talk about Gator football. Other than that I rarely have phone conversations, but worse than that without a computer I now feel so disconnected from the world, I was lying in bed too sick to do much else and was worried that something might be happening that I was missing. I was watching a movie and obviously couldn’t change the channel to cable news to realize I wasn’t missing anything. It was an odd feeling that went away after a little while and then yesterday I kind of settled into it. I realized that it’s not the technology; it is what it has done to us that I don’t like. I love the technology, but I miss my friends’ voices and I miss the feeling that it’s ok to disconnect. Writing this I remember a time in high school when a couple of friends and I got a hotel on the beach and left everything behind, no phones, no watches, nothing. We had no agenda, no schedules and no need for anything other than what we brought with us. I wonder if I could do that now without having an anxiety attack about not checking my email.

Is personality genetic?

2006-08-21T15:07:00.000-05:00

One of the things I was confronted with during my time in Minnesota is this very question. Not the question as much as the comparison I have been given many times. Two things are constantly repeated when in the presence of my family, the first is that I look like my Grandpa, a comparison I like, and the second one I am not so sure about. To people who knew my dad, I not being one of them, they seem to think I am a lot like him, personality wise anyway. I didn’t really know how to take it, I mean it was said as a compliment I think and my mom did confirm it. So, how should I take it? Is it possible that even though I really don’t know my dad I am like him? And is it not so bad? Or should I be worried that I might end up like him?

The word out of the Twin Cities is that my dad was a good guy in the beginning but that he changed after his father died and since that happened shortly after I was born I never knew that man. That version of my dad was loved by my Grandpa, was a friend of my uncles and was ultimately accepted by everyone as a good man. He was described as classy, calm, level headed, intelligent and numerous other likable things. He was the yin to my mother’s yang, her being an impulsive fireball of a person, who needs someone to settle her. It was a little disturbing being told that I am the one that fills that role now, that it is my level-headedness that replaced his. And while it is a bit odd, I think I could be that guy described above, I do have those traits but it is the ones of my lifetime that concern me.

The man that is my father in my mind is none of those positive attributes, he is all negative. Cold, distant, cruel, absent, these are the words I would use to describe him. And I don’t want to be any of those; I don’t see how someone can do what he did, no matter the circumstances. People will find it easy to say it’s not possible for me to become that way, but they also said that about him. He lost his father and became something else; he gave up his family after that. Would I react the same way? It’s a scary thought that I will someday have to answer. Because we all suffer loss, we all have to deal with life’s turns and tribulations, and we all have to respond and no one knows how they will handle something until it happens.

I'm back

2006-08-21T10:12:00.000-05:00

Back to work
Back to DC
Back to 300+ emails
Back to my cube
Back to annoying phone calls
Back to the gym
Back to life
Back to it all

I am back and it all seems different because maybe I didn't make it back at all.

Going away

2006-08-13T20:41:00.000-05:00

I was geared up to give a money weekend recap but that is going to have to wait. Maybe I will still feel like doing it when I get back. But for now, my mind and my heart are elsewhere. Tonight at around 8 pm my Grandma passed away. Its all too real right now to give a fitting tribute but I will try sometime soon. I will be out of town and away from my computer for a while so until I get back just remember you can never love enough and in the end no matter how much you gave or received you will want more. Take as much as you can get but give more.