Free Leaf

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold..."

Location: Falls Church, Virginia, United States

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I just keep asking. I constantly want to leave, but somehow manage to stay. I am both perfectly happy and completely miserable because of it. I think I am misunderstood but that could just be a huge misunderstanding, either way I guess the best way to put it is, "I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong."


I’m just not ready yet

There are moments in your life that sometimes just catch you off guard. I find that these moments are usually things that you are capable of handling but just weren’t ready for. It’s like when a girl you really like tells you that she loves you but you just aren’t there yet and you don’t know how to respond. This morning on my drive to work something similar happened.

I was talking to my Mom, who is going in for a minor surgery tomorrow, when she dropped the bombshell on me. She went in to the hospital this morning for her pre-screening, blood work and to fill out the papers. And she just causally mentions that she put me down as emergency contact (this I can handle), but then she tells me that if anything happens I am the one who has to make the decisions of what happens to her. Even writing it gives me an anxious empty feeling in my stomach. I am not nervous about the surgery, it’s very minor and she will be in and out same day but I just realized that the decisions I may someday have to make are coming sooner than I could have ever wanted. Maybe no one is ever really ready for this but I know I am just not ready yet, not now.


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