Free Leaf

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold..."

Location: Falls Church, Virginia, United States

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I just keep asking. I constantly want to leave, but somehow manage to stay. I am both perfectly happy and completely miserable because of it. I think I am misunderstood but that could just be a huge misunderstanding, either way I guess the best way to put it is, "I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong."


Everything’s gonna be alright

The surgeon or specialist or whatever he wants to call himself was not impressed. I think he was slightly mad at me. He basically told me that there was nothing wrong with me that eating a little better and having less stress in my life couldn’t cure. Makes me happy, but also makes me wonder why my primary care couldn’t do the exact same tests, its not like it was that difficult. This doctor looked for abnormalities and found none, thankfully, that saga in my life is over for now. And everything is going back to normal, where I am not the one being worried about but doing the worrying.

This brings me to my comfort zone in the realm of medical dramas. I get to start worrying about my mom again, who was informed that she has to have some more tests done as well. Hers is a little scarier as my family has a history of breast cancer, I mean if you can have such thing. My aunts who are twins have both had their trials with it, one had it twice and the other had some other problem that required surgery. It is something that my whole family is very aware of. We do breast cancer walks, and donate money and forward all those ridiculous emails. Hopefully, since my mom knows this and stays on top of it she will have caught anything early. Or, like with me, it could be nothing at all.

I do plenty of worrying about people, my friends and family, people I don’t even know. Some would probably say its unhealthy to have so much concern for others that it affects you all the time. But it just happens to be who I am, it’s a big brother syndrome I think, where everyone you know and care about becomes your responsibility. Most people think it would be too much to ask of a young person to be this way and many do not have to deal with being the one responsible for others mental and physical well being, at least not at my age. Yet here I am, constantly listening to people’s problems and giving advice, being a shoulder to lean on and sometimes more. At times it makes me dark and bitter; you can ask my college friends about that. But it is just the result of giving so many others all my positive vibes that sometimes it appears I don’t even have my own.

But I do. It’s a secret that I rarely let out, maybe you have noticed it, I really believe the stuff I say. I believe in people, I believe things will work out, I believe in miracles and that good things do happen. No matter what darkness may fall upon you there is always a way out, it might not be the outcome you hope for or even want but in the end things will be alright.


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