Free Leaf

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold..."

Location: Falls Church, Virginia, United States

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I just keep asking. I constantly want to leave, but somehow manage to stay. I am both perfectly happy and completely miserable because of it. I think I am misunderstood but that could just be a huge misunderstanding, either way I guess the best way to put it is, "I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong."



I am having a hard time getting my mind around anything today. I want to write something to either kill the time or get something off my chest but I am not sure what to write. I am very frustrated by that but mostly I don’t seem to have the words to explain what I want to talk about. I want to talk about what is going on in Israel, but I can’t the words aren’t there. It is frustrating the crap out of me, but I really don’t know what to say. For the past couple of years I have had this strong desire to make Aliyah, I have researched it and considered it but I never seem to go through with it. It is like standing on the edge of a cliff waiting for someone or something to push you over the edge. But instead of receiving a push someone or something keeps pulling me off the edge, only I don’t want to be pulled off.

Most people would find this crazy and there is no way I could mention this to my mother but I want to be there more now than ever. I guess that is somewhat crazy, why would a person want to move from a comfortable suburban life with a good job to a place that might be escalating to war? I doubt I would be able to explain it, and I doubt the majority of people I know here would understand but I also know that this desire isn’t going to just go away. So, what exactly am I waiting for?


Blogger Asian Mistress said...

I don't know you very well...but from the random blogs I've read, I don't think it's weird at all that you want to go. You want to help, you're interested in the history, you want to make things right. It's a part of who you are. You want to be a part of what is going on there, and a part of something bigger than yourself. It's a big task, but it would be a great journey.

That's just my initial reaction anyway.

4:07 PM  
Blogger adieu tristesse said...

I’m feeling exactly the same way. I hate the fact that after high school I didn’t just leave to go to Israel – to the army. A thousand things are going through my head and the single thought I keep thinking is that I should be there now; nothing else matters and I’m angry. It is a leap – and there is no solid ground to fall on if you choose to move forward – but it is also a different mentality. I hate watching, reading, feeling useless. My parents and sister are actually (suppose to be?) leaving for Israel in a week and a half – what does it all come to now? I have no idea. I realize this is not helpful – but then again, so much in life doesn’t seem to help these desires – while the motivation stays.

11:58 AM  
Blogger KassyK said...

I understand. My dad is Israeli and half my family lives there and beside it being one of the most beautiful and friendly is has this amazing magical drawing power...esp now that there is war escalating it is that need to help and DO something. I am actually posting about something that I found out as we speak in terms of Israel and war...

12:04 AM  
Blogger Leaf said...

Thanks for the comments. The worst part of this whole thing is feeling so useless when you want to help. I would like to say that next time I will be there, but I dont want a next time at all.

9:58 AM  
Anonymous bill said...

I've followed my friend KassyK here from your thoughtful comment to her post. I don't think you or she is useless in this though I understand your feelings. If you have family members there in need of your help, perhaps you should go. If, though, it is a question of support for Israel I think the needs are political and economic, and you may be able to do more here than there. The links you suggested are small but effective ways to show economic support, or on a larger scale to invest in Israeli businesses. Politically we need to do whatever we can to encourage the development of strong governments in Lebanon and the Palestinian territories so that they control their own lands. Israel cannot afford in the long run to police territory beyond its boundaries as it is being forced to do now by the failure of those governments. I don't know how to fix that problem, and in that I think we all feel useless.

I wonder, because she is my friend, how I would feel if KassyK were to go now to Israel. Certainly I would worry for her safety, but I would encourage her (and you) to go if your heart requires you to. As a practical matter, Israel is strong and vibrant, not lacking for talent or energy so much as for things we can do best by giving our money and voices in support right here.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Leaf said...

Bill - thanks for the comment and you are right, my heart wants to be in Israel more than my head. The truth is to the people I know there I am not sure I would be a lot of help. Thankfully, my whole family has been back in the States since 02. I remember when the intifada was starting up again and a club would get bombed how worried I would be until my sister would call. None of that this time and I think I will put up some more links to support the people involved in another post soon.

4:11 PM  

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