Free Leaf

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold..."

Name:
Location: Falls Church, Virginia, United States

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I just keep asking. I constantly want to leave, but somehow manage to stay. I am both perfectly happy and completely miserable because of it. I think I am misunderstood but that could just be a huge misunderstanding, either way I guess the best way to put it is, "I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong."

7.05.2006

The art of dealing with friends

Lately, I have been reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which so far is quite a good book. Gives you a lot to think about and helps you realize things you might not have originally seen. I have also been dealing with some friends of mine in one case where we just do not see eye to eye. They think I am crazy for acting one way just as I think they are crazy for acting the way they are acting. The situation that we are in complete disagreement on is about another friend’s bachelor party that I actually wrote about previously. Now, it was one thing for two very vocal friends to rally the group into the trip they wanted but it was completely different when they began “calling out” the man who was actually getting married. Of course this angered me a great deal and I told them so, they reacted as if they were doing nothing wrong because the guy who was getting married had not explicitly made his case. I thought they crossed the line and they thought they were doing him a favor, just messing around. When I questioned them on this they of course reacted angrily towards me, for no reason other than I agree with the bachelor and would be furious with them had they treated me the same way. That situation seems to have resolved itself with my friend who is getting married finally responding against the trip that the vocal minority wanted. Others have taken note and moved on; the minority has yet to speak. I think they are now offended by how easily they were shrugged off but that may be too deep for a group of men to think in.

And that is where I see the disconnect with these friends. We view the world in completely different manners. It is rough for me to see things the way they do because I never have, but I can tell that when we look at two things we filter those things through completely different channels. They are more basic, things are black and white, if you want to go to a bachelor party, you go to the place that works, no emotion involved in the choice, it’s the most logical to keep repeating the same thing over and over if it continues to work. Whereas I, filtering life through the gray area am looking for new experiences at all turns. I am not thinking about the logistics or the percentages or the safer bet, I care first about how my friend feels about the situation and then the where and the why. Once we get past that I begin thinking about scenarios that offer a possibility for greatness. Certainty is for others to worry about, if I can picture the idea of a good time in a place I have never been I will go there. I do not need solid evidence like my other friends. They see going to the same place for a third bachelor party as the only logical choice because they know it is fun because they have done it. They may be right, but they are also so conservative and sheltered in their thinking that I am surprised they have moved out of their parents homes. I, on the other hand, am looking for the next place to check off the list. Why play it safe when you can try something new? Now I am just rambling as I tend to do when I feel strongly about something (I’d say passionate but that just seems too gay after my run in over the weekend).

To me life is complex; everything I see is multilayered and can have a plethora of meanings. To my friends life is simple, things just are and they don’t have to have any more meaning than that.

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