Free Leaf

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold..."

Location: Falls Church, Virginia, United States

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I just keep asking. I constantly want to leave, but somehow manage to stay. I am both perfectly happy and completely miserable because of it. I think I am misunderstood but that could just be a huge misunderstanding, either way I guess the best way to put it is, "I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong."


Saying goodbye to a house

Although I have been living at my new place for a few weeks already tonight will be my last official night over at my old house. My old roommates and I are going to get together to remove any remaining garbage and things we still need to get out of there then give the house a thorough cleaning. There may be a few things left until Wednesday night but my best guess is that we have the house empty and clean before the night is out.

This is hardly new for me but there are many people who spend long amounts of time in the same place and I could see it being hard for them to move on. One of my old roommates is admittedly a little sad about it claiming, “It’s just like the end of camp”. Which is sort of true, I’d say leaving camp is a lot more depressing since people are going back to the real world, but still there is a certain feeling that something is over and never will be the same again.

I have lived in so many houses in my life that I am used to this feeling, the constant moving, always leaving another set of memories behind. It used to be that the unpacking wasn’t even finished before you were packing up again. Such is the life of someone on the run I guess. If you don’t grow roots its hard to get attached to anything.

2 houses in Minnesota

Condo in Miami

House in Hollywood

Plantation TH

The Waves

A different Plantation TH


2 Dorms

Frat House

University Commons

2 houses in Gville

Jax 5 points

The Elms of Oakton

Vienna TH

Falls Church house in the woods

Adding it all up that is 18 different residences in 25 years. Which makes me think are you fucking kidding me? I mean the whole time since I left for college makes sense and if you take that away as a time when people move a lot anyway it still looks messed up. I lived in 8 different places before I was old enough to vote. Granted there were certain unavoidable circumstances involved in all of that but still it has to have a profound effect on someone.

This leads to my feeling that a house is just a house. I have never had a home, no place has ever felt like home anyway. My home I carry with me wherever I go because that’s just the way my life has been, it is easier to internalize the things that make you feel at home than it is move them, so your memories become less about pictures in the frames than they are about feelings in your heart. And I guess that is why I continue to move around with such ease, a house is just another place; I don’t feel any attachment to it. It’s not mobile enough to gain my trust. Now a car, that is my kind of object, you name your car, you can love your car; I even talk to my car. She is part of my family because she gets me where I need to go, what did a house ever do for you? And then again, maybe I am wrong about all of this, maybe I missed out by never having a place that held my memories, a place that I can visit. Maybe all I am really looking for is that place, somewhere to not only feel home the way I do in the presence of family but to know that I am home when you are sitting all alone. A place that is full of years of memories, where a simple kitchen isn’t just a place where you make meals but where stories were told and things were learned. I guess we all want what we didn’t have growing up but I am still happy with what I did have, plenty of mobile memories that are jumbled up between so many different places.


Blogger Asian Mistress said...

I know what you mean, I have lived in (counting...) 15 different places, including the 2 dorm rooms and 1 apartment in college.

It's weird isn't it...but I think it makes you more adaptable to the changes in life...

8:22 PM  
Blogger Leaf said...

There are definitely some positives to moving a lot. Besides the actual moving I don't really mind it. Eventually though I would really like to settle down and not worry about where I will be moving next.

10:12 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home