Free Leaf

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold..."

Name:
Location: Falls Church, Virginia, United States

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I just keep asking. I constantly want to leave, but somehow manage to stay. I am both perfectly happy and completely miserable because of it. I think I am misunderstood but that could just be a huge misunderstanding, either way I guess the best way to put it is, "I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong."

6.26.2006

My Wandering Soul

I have always had a bit of a gypsy soul, a bit of a wandering Jew in me, a part of me that always wants to be away from where I am. The truth is my head and my heart is rarely in the same place and everyday I fight the urge to stay the course. It is not so much that I want to run away from anything, life isn’t bad, it’s that I enjoy the feeling of the freedom you get from roaming. There is a certain lack of responsibility about it and also something peaceful about it. To me it is never a specific place, a destination; it is always the journey that draws me. It is the idea of the lonely road, the experience that pulls at my heart while my head works at a desk. I look out a window and see roads, gateways to freedom, movement and I feel peace. Life may be one great journey but in this age there are too few times when a man wanders the world alone to find himself. There are no more motorcycle rides through the Midwest, no more beatniks catching trains and hitching rides from New York to San Francisco.

As I sit here in the living room of my new house with a thunderstorm raging outside and water leaking in the kitchen I wonder if I can be that person. The one who takes the soul searching trip that not only changes me but everyone whom comes to find out about it. And if I do accomplish this goal, if I find my journey, what do I do then? My best guess is that my first step would be west, right through the center of the country with no itinerary, no schedule; only what I could bring with me. Now if I could just get my head out of this equation I’d be gone tonight. But no, my head is still winning this battle and at least for the time being my internal war rages on. And yet I know one day my heart will wear down my head and I will leave this responsible world behind to find whatever it is I seem to need.

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