Free Leaf

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold..."

Location: Falls Church, Virginia, United States

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I just keep asking. I constantly want to leave, but somehow manage to stay. I am both perfectly happy and completely miserable because of it. I think I am misunderstood but that could just be a huge misunderstanding, either way I guess the best way to put it is, "I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong."


Hanging half a hundred on em

In 1995 the Florida Gators got to play in Samford stadium in Athens Georgia, a game normally played in Jacksonville at the World’s Largest Cocktail party. In that year the old Gator Bowl was being renovated to welcome Jacksonville’s new NFL team so the Dawgs and Gators got to play a home and home series for the first time in decades. Former Florida Coach Steve Spurrier went into Samford Stadium with his long memory of the rivalry and knew that no one had ever scored 50 on UGA at home. So, late in the game with the victory well in hand Spurrier called for a deep pass. Final score 52-17.

"A lot of our coaches had mentioned that nobody had ever scored 50 in this park before. ... This is probably the only time in our lifetime that we will play up here. We wanted to try to make it a memorable game for the Gators."

-Steve Spurrier

The above quote and story really has nothing to do with anything I am going to speak about today, it is only relevant because I realized that this is my 50th post and I wanted to share the memory of the days when the Gators hung half a hundred on their opponents regularly. So what is this 50th post about? Well, like most things with me it’s about a lot, my mind is so scattered that I really can not even begin to contain it, which is why I have a ton of short posts instead of many long ones. Looking back at my posts they are really all over the place, I have discussed politics, movies, tv, sports, given advice, spoke about my everyday life, complained about my job, and along the way I have found other blogs that inspire me or just entertain me. In all those pseudo discussions my goal has always been to inform people of what is on my mind and what is going on in my life, the initial thought was that my friends and family needed a place to go to really understand me. Unfortunately, I don’t think it has worked, some friends have blown this off because they “just don’t get it”, finding the whole thing ridiculous, while others do read it and enjoy it but I’m not sure they or I have gained any more insight into who I am.

About 4 months and 50 posts later I feel that starting this blog has been a step in a positive direction for me and as it evolves I feel it can become something special. The funny thing about today is that whether this was my 50th or not I was in a reflective mood, hotels do that to me after about 5 days. When you walk around a town, or sit down for a meal, or catch a movie in a town where there isn’t a soul that knows you many thoughts cross your mind. Some would feel lonely, and at times I guess I do, but mostly I enjoy the quiet and being able to step out and just observe. This world is a funny place and sometimes we get so consumed and comfortable in our own existence that we miss things going on around us. I know I am completely guilty of it, I am too comfortable and my creativity and desire has waned because of it. I still have so many questions and so few answers, the problem is that there is no pressure to answer those questions and I am not sure when there will ever be unless I force the issue.

Do I want to continue consulting? Should I go to law school? What about some other graduate program? When will I make it back to Israel? If I become more religious will that alienate my friends and family? Will I ever find a place that feels like home or will I continue to float through this world as a Leaf blowing in the wind? Will I find “the one” for me or will I always long for a lost love? The questions continue to mount and the answers become more elusive. And ironically they bring me to one more question; does all this make me crazy or just another 25 year old guy trying to find his way in life? So far, the journey has been full of ups and downs and whether I find the answers or not I am determined to enjoy the search.


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