Free Leaf

"Don't gain the world and lose your soul, wisdom is better than silver or gold..."

Location: Falls Church, Virginia, United States

I have a lot more questions than answers, but I just keep asking. I constantly want to leave, but somehow manage to stay. I am both perfectly happy and completely miserable because of it. I think I am misunderstood but that could just be a huge misunderstanding, either way I guess the best way to put it is, "I ain't often right, but I've never been wrong."


Coming home can make you miserable

Have you ever had a weekend so good that when you return to your normal routine you are just miserable? That is pretty much how my Tuesday is going. I took advantage of MLK day to get out of town and see some friends in Brooklyn. The weekend was certainly amazing, good food, good friends, a tolerable hangover, and only slight travel problems. But more than just having a good time away from home I have realized over the years of visiting in NY that I have really fallen in love with the place. There is just something about it, an energy, an excitement, a pulse that few places can match.

I have been to many places in the country and I have lived or spent extended periods of time in a few but none have excited me. I have been in DC for about a year and a half and there is absolutely nothing that thrills me about it. As a city it doesnt offer anything spectacular to those who could care less about being "On the Hill", here celebrities are crusty old Politicians who are almost all corrupt and pretty boring. Here bars close at 2, the metro closes at 3 and outside of Steak and Egg there is no such thing as late night eats. As someone a few years out of college its not like I need to get wasted every night, I did plenty of that in school, but I am also not ready to give up on enjoying the rest of my twenties. DC and the suburbs around it are great for my married friends, the people who want a home, a dog and kids to take to soccer games. But for those of us not ready to settle in this place kinda sucks. Coming here I thought one of the redeeming qualities would be my interest in politics(Poli Sci major and all) but I really don't want to live in a city dominated by the stuff, I have had a few too many political debates in bars or on late night metro rides. Those are arguments you never win and I think I'd much rather argue Dylan or Springsteen over arguing Hilary or McCain.

But its not just a dislike for DC that I came home to, its the realization that whatever it is I am looking for isnt here. I actually have no idea what I am looking for but I am crossing places off my list that dont have what I want. I guess what I want right now is interaction, I figure sometime later I will have all the time I need to be a hermit. One of these days I hope my desire to continue moving will stop, I would really like to feel home somewhere but having never felt that maybe I wont ever find that place. Maybe it isnt a place, maybe its an idea or a person or many people, who knows? I certainly dont have the answer, but when your favorite book is On The Road and your favorite song is The Wanderer its hard to imagine a life where moving on isnt on the list of things to do. Soon DC will be in my past and I will have somewhere new to explore and enjoy until I realize that I am only happy when I am looking for somewhere else to go.


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